THE SCRIPT
For rights to performance, contact Handmade Performance at [email protected]
DRAMATIS PERSONAE (IN ORDER OF SPEAKING):
Master of Ceremonies (who also plays Security)
A Fisherman
The Environment (played by several dancers)
A Fish (a puppet and an actor)
Six small requests (actors) who transform into big problems (puppets). The puppets begin with a head/icon representing the small request, the rest of the body covered; the transformation uncovers the body of the puppet, representing the "big problem")
Food
small request: a hungry person
head/icon: a horn of plenty
big problem: empty shelves
Shelter
small request: a cold person
head/icon: a small cottage
big problem: a chaotic cityscape
Health
small request: a dirty, bug-infested person
head/icon: a toilet
big problem: plumbing with sludge, garbage of all sorts
Transportation
small request: a good old boy
head/icon: a little car
big problem: speed, pavement
Comfort
small request: a small crying child
head/icon: a toy/pacifier
big problem: mass production, planned obsolesence
Security
small request: a paranoid person
head/icon: a padlock
big problem: a cage with weapons
[Scene: The Dell. The six puppets surround the seating area. They are covered to show only the head/icons. Above and in between them are banners announcing the six "small requests" and information/statistics/quotations about those requests (see appendix). The six actors portraying those requests are positioned in front of their icons, in tableau. The audience can see the entire story as they look around.
At the bottom of the Dell is a stage. The Master of Ceremonies stands there with his props. The Dancers stand on either side of him. The Fisherman is not visible.
The Audience is seated by the actors, and the MC directs them.]
SCENE: MC [AND CAST/DANCERS]
MC: (on the stage) Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much for coming out this fine evening. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the McMaster Summer Arts Festival, the Environmental Theatre Workshop, and the Theatre in the Dell. Now, usually the Summer Festival presents something very old in the Dell--something by the ancient Greeks or the Romans--because they used to produce their plays in outdoor theatres just like this. This time, we thought we would present something very new. It's so new, in fact, that we made it ourselves.
Look around you, Ladies and Gentlemen. Where are we? We are sitting on the campus of McMaster University, surrounded by a very beautiful woodland. Right behind me, if you go down the trail, you will find Cootes Paradise. That's some shallow, open water tacked right onto the end of Hamilton Harbour, which is tacked right onto the end of Lake Ontario. It's a beautiful place to visit, if you get a chance. But it isn't--well, exactly what it was. It used to be a healthy place to live, full of plants and fish, and surrounded by animals. But it isn't so healthy any more, although there are a lot of people trying to make it healthy again.
We know you all know about pollution, and what it is. But we heard this story, see? A kind of a folktale--that explains how the Paradise--our Paradise--your Paradise, even if you've never seen it--How it got as sick as it did. It's the story of a Fisherman who, long, long ago, went down to the Paradise to fish, and caught something REALLY extraordinary. Responsibility.
We aim to tell you that story. We call it SIX PUPPETS AND A FISH--NOT TO MENTION THE FISHERMAN. We thought it was an honest title. Here's the honest story to go with it.
Everybody ready? (To Puppets) Food? Shelter? Health? Transportation? Comfort? Security? Security? Oh, I forgot, that's me. Ready. Fish? Music? Dance? Hey, Fisherman! You ready? Then I'll begin. (Pause.) Once upon a time, there was a very average fisherman.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, [MC]
Fisherman (F): (Comes into the audience from centre back, with props--net, pole, knife, etc. Walks all through and over and under everyone looking for just the right place to cast his line. Excuses himself, chats, and is gently clownish, sympathetic. Makes a great show of getting his line ready for casting, but doesn't cast.)
MC: (Comments as Fisherman gets ready to cast. He becomes increasingly frustrated the longer this takes.) Well, all right, he was a less than average fisherman. One of those fisherman who loves to talk about why the fish aren't biting, but never actually gets around to putting his line in. ... So, anyway, this fisherman threw his line into Cootes Paradise. ... He threw his line in... I said, he threw his line... Hey! (F jumps, frightened) Fish or Cut Bait, pal!
F: (Throws his line into the water--meaning toward the stage. It goes over the back of the stage, perhaps after one or two casts.) I sure hope I catch something this fine morningtime. I can't remember when I last had a bite. Let me see--what year is this? (He gets a bite. He gets excited. He wrestles and wrestles with the line, as our Fish slowly enters from upstage centre. F continues to wrestle comically after the Fish is onstage. The Fish has the hook in his mouth, and he waits patiently.)
MC: Hey, buddy. Buddy. Pal. Hey! You got him.
Fisherman: (aware of the Fish) Ohmygosh, I got one. Ohmygosh. What do I do? I forgot. What do I do? Where's my net? Ohmygosh.
Fish: Hello.
F: (To a member of the audience.) Hello. How are you? Don't you know you're not supposed to talk to the actors while their performing? It ruins their concentration, and--
Fish: Hello.
F: (To another member of the audience.) Hello. Did you hear what I was saying? What an unruly audience--
MC: Hey! (F turns.) You got the wrong species. Over here. (F turns, looks at the Fish. The Fish looks back, smiles, and waves. The Fisherman waves back, then looks around in astonishment.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH
F: (To audience.) He waved. How very strange. Never had a fish wave to me before. (To someone in Audience.) Have you? Well, you, sure. Fish probably like you. And he smiled, too. Smiled. Hard to imagine a fish smiling, isn't it? (Tries to imitate this, and fails.)
Fish: Hello, there.
F: (Jaw dropping. Astonishment, relayed to audience. Then to Fish.) Uh--hello.
Fish: How are you?
F: Uh--fine, I guess. How are you?
Fish: Well, I'm in a little trouble right now.
F: I'm sorry. What's that?
Fish: You may not know this, but if I'm taken away from this nice clean water here, I'll probably die.
F: No--
Fish: Yes. But somebody's going to take me away.
F: That's terrible.
Fish: From my home, and my family, and my culture--and my "school".
F: That's inhuman. I won't stand for that! Who would do such a thing? (Accusing audience.)
Fish: Well---you, actually.
F: (Looking around, and then at net and line, he realizes he's the culprit.) Oh. I see. (Puts down his net.) Well, so much for fishing today.
Fish: You're going to let me go?
F: I make it a point never to hurt anything I can talk to. If that makes sense.
Fish: That works for me.
F: You can go.
Fish: (Taking the hook out of his mouth.) Thanks.
F: You're welcome. You always talk?
Fish: Yes.
F: Kinda strange--you know, for a fish.
Fish: Well, I'm a magic fish.
F: Oh. Well, that explains it.
Fish: You know, uh, for letting me go, you get some wishes.
F: How do you mean? Like what?
Fish: Like in all those old folktales. Remember?
F: Really?
Fish: Sure. Like Aladdin. The Genie.
F: You're like the Genie?
Fish: Not as funny. But the wishes are there.
F: That's amazing.
Fish: (pause) So. (Encouraging him.) So? So--you, uh, want anything?
F: Me? Um, gee. I really don't think so. I mean, it's great and all. But I don't take gifts from strangers. You know?
Fish: That's very cautious. I understand. Look, if you need me later, I'm not going anywhere. You just come on down and call me.
F: Call? You have a number?
Fish: Not like that. Like in the stories. Give me a poem, sing me a song, or shout for me. Or just be loud--okay?
F: Okay. Great.
Fish: Gotta go. I'm meeting my family for lunch at the big Rock by Princess Point. We're having worms a la grunge, with Weed Stew!
F: Goodbye!
Fish: Goodbye.
(Fish exits/disappears. Use of Dancers here, or not. They will certainly appear at the next entrance of the Fish.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FOOD, [MC]
MC: And so the Fisherman began his journey home, eager to tell his family about the talking fish.
Fisherman: A talking fish. Nobody will believe me. (To member of audience.) Do you believe it? No, I didn't think so--you don't look like the folktale type. Now, which way do I go? Let's see, that tree was on my right. The field of daisies on my left, and turn right at the old Elm tree.
MC: Along the way, the fisherman heard a woman wailing.
(Small request/Food comes alive in front of her puppet. In the coming exchange, F. establishes a playing relationship with this character, but should not come too close. All exchanges must fill the audience space. The playing will be grand, full, stylized. The actor for Food should think about sudden changes from melodramatic style to a colloquial style, by turns overacting formally and being informal with the Fisherman.)
Food: Oh, woe is me. Oh, woe is me.
MC: Sensing something was wrong--
Food: (Louder) Oh, woe, alas!
MC: The Fisherman followed the sound to its source--a woman at the side of the road.
Food: Oh-h-h-h!
MC: All right, all right. You're in pain. We get it.
Food: Oh-h-h-h!
MC: Actors. Sensing there was something wrong, the fisherman spoke to her.
F: Excuse me, are you okay?
Food: Oh-h-h-h! No-o-o-o! (In a more colloquial, natural voice.) I've been better. (Back to melodrama--and she switches back and forth, not so much to gain sympathy, but because she likes the melodrama.) Oh-h-h!
F: What's wrong?
Food: I'm so hungry.
F: I see. So--why don't you eat?
Food: I wish. I wish. My vegetable garden will not grow enough to feed my family. O-h-h-h! There are no crops to sell to others to buy the things I need. I really need.
F: Gosh. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Food: (colloquial) I doubt it. (Seeing pole and tackle.) Hey, did you catch anything?
F: Yes, for the first time in months. A real live fish.
Food: Well. That's good. So. Where is it?
F: I let it go.
Food: You what?!
F: I let it go.
Food: Are you crazy? There are people around this folktale who barely have enough to eat. And you go and throw away a perfectly good meal?
F: I had to let it go. It talked.
Food: I beg your pardon?
F: The fish. It talked. No kidding. It opened its mouth and spoke to me. We had a very nice talk, really, and--
Food: You're serious, aren't you? (F nods) Oh, my goodness. Do you realize what you caught? Do you know? (melodramatic again) It was the magic fish of Cootes Paradise! I thought it was a myth.
F: I think it was a myth-ter, but I'm not sure.
Food: Do you know how lucky you are? Oh, my goodness. All those wishes.
F: Yes, well--
Food: What did you wish for?
F: Well--
Food: You can tell me. I won't be jealous. (melo) Really.
F: (pause) I didn't ask for anything.
Food: What?
F: It didn't seem right. It was a stranger, you know. Beware of Fish bearing gifts.
Food: But wishes! Anything you want! It's a folktale, for crying out loud. You're supposed to make wishes.
F: Sorry. Couldn't think of anything.
Food: Well, if you don't mind, I could help you out with that. How about some--oh, let me see--FOOD? For my family?
F: Gee, food. I never thought of that.
Food: Ask him for a plentiful garden--for me. One for yourself, too, of course.
F: I don't see anything wrong with that. Sure.
Food: I'd really appreciate it. Really. Just enough to feed me and my family. Nothing fancy.
F: Okay. I could do that.
Food: Just a reasonable request.
F: All right. I'm on my way.
Food: (melo) O-h-h-h! I'm s-o-o-o g-r-r-r-ateful! O-h-h-h! And hungry. Could you hurry, please?
F: Right. Of course. Sorry. On my way.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, MC, DANCERS
MC: And so, our very nice-- And ladies and gentlemen, isn't he really just a little too nice for his own good? I say our very nice Fisherman returned to the water's edge.
F: (Quickly walking throught he audience, to the beating of a drum to signal the travelling and the passage of time. The drum stops.) Now, let me see, the Hawthorn and the daisies and--and step over this small child in the audience here. Ah, this is the spot.
MC: And called the Fish.
F: Okay. Call the Fish. Call the Fish. How do I call the Fish. Oh. I forgot.
MC: A verse, I think it was.
F: Verse than what?
MC: No, a verse. A Poem.
F: Oh. That kind of verse. Well. If there's one thing I'm verse at than fishing, it's verse. Hmmm.
MC: Give it a shot. The sun's setting.
Food: O-h-h-h-h!
MC: Hey! You're part's done! Actors.
F: Umm--okay. let's see. How's this:
Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy, hoy, hoy, hoy.
Come on, fish, boy oh boy.
(Nothing.)
MC: That was a stinker.
F: I said--
MC: Try again.
F: Okay. How about this?
Oh, Mr. Fish. Oh, Magic Fish,
I have a small request.
I really feel quite foolish,
But I have to do my best.
MC: Well, that one scans, at least.
F: (waits) Nothing. (getting carried away)
2, 4, 6, 8!
Who do we appreciate!
MA-gic FISH-ee!
Go-o-o-o, Team!
(waits)
1, 2, 3, 4!
Who are we for?
MA-gic FISH-ee,
Go-o-o-o, Fish!
(waits)
(Frustrated.)
MC: What a failure.
Food: O-h-h-h!
F: (desperate) HEY!! YO!!! FISH!!!
(A mallet on a cymbal [?], and the Fish appears, accompanied by Dancers. He has changed into a beautiful, flowing puppet. The Actor who plays the Fish acts out the role as the Puppet moves with the Dancers. The Actor's position needs to be determined.)
Fish: Hello.
F: Wow. You've changed.
Fish: You called for a wish. You called for magic. Magic you shall have. What's up?
F: On my way home, I met a woman who didn't have enough to eat for herself or for her family. Can you grant wishes to help people like that?
Fish: Yes, I can.
F: Well, I was wondering--could you grant this woman a garden with a plentiful harvest?
Fish: That's what you want?
F: Yes.
Fish: Nothing for yourself?
F: No. Just that.
Fish: That sounds like a reasonable request to me. All of us down here in Cootes Paradise understand about needing food. Go on home, now, friend. The wish is already fulfilled.
F: Thanks. This is really kind of you. (Begins to leave.) Uh--is that all my wishes?
Fish: Oh, no. Especially since you haven't asked for thing yourself. You can come back anytime. Just call me with some verses. (Feels a sudden twinge and puppet and dancers show it.) Oh.
F: Are you all right?
Fish: (Showing pain.) Yes. It must have been something I ate. You--you'd better go back to your friend. I think she needs you.
F: All right. Bye! (The Fisherman exits to back of audience.)
(The Dancers dance the premonition of the change in environment, and envelope the Fish.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FOOD (PUPPET), MC
(At end of dance, the Small Request actor and the Big Problem Puppet for Food come down in front of stage, and as finale unveil the Monster. "Food" the actor takes on the voice of the puppet, and "acts" the role around the puppet.)
MC: And so the Fisherman left the Fish and went in search of the hungry woman. He did not find her.
F: Now, which way was it. Where was that field of Daisies? And the Elm tree is gone. I'm a bit lost. Where is she?
(Pause--Finger Cymbals to denote a change of scene and tone)
Food Puppet (FP) (From in front of stage): Hey, you, fisherman. Come over here.
F: Me?
FP: Do you see anyone else around?
F: No. Do I know you?
FP: You do. We met earlier on the road. You offered to help get me some food.
F: That was you?
FP: The same. (Moans melodramatically) O-h-h-h! See?
F: But you look so different.
FP: Things change. People change. I want to thank you for getting my request granted.
F: (Rather frightened.) D-did you have a plentiful garden?
FP: I did.
F: That's great. So--if you don't mind my asking--what happened?
FP: You know, it really wasn't enough. I mean, it fed my family for a while. But food only lasts so long and then you have to grow more. And then the neighbours needed some food, so I gave them some. And then there had to be some for the market and for export and for the poor and hungry of other lands and for--. So many hungry people I could feed with my magic garden.
F: And did you?
FP: Yes. More. And more.
F: And what happened?
FP: Happened? What makes you think something happened? (Threatening him, terrifying him and the audience. Very melodramatically, like a ghost.)
F: (Stuttering with fear) It's j-j-j-ust that you look so different.
FP: I needed more magic. I needed to make more food, do you see? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! And I found it. I found it in a magic formula I could put on my land to make it all grow faster and bigger and bigger and faster and-- (stops, exhausted)
F: A magic formula?
FP: Yes. It's called--Chem-a-lot!
F: I see.
FP: "Quite simply there is not
A more congenial shot--"Elizabeth"--
Of magic food to feed your soil
Than lots--of--Chem--a--lot!
FP: Bigger and better and more. I can feed everybody. You and you and you and you and--- (exhausted--his chest heaves, if a puppet's chest can heave.)
F: Bigger and better and more. That's good, I guess. But--
FP: Yes? Something wrong?
F: No. Yes. I notice your shelves are bare--there-- (points)
FP: (Trying to cover them up.) Just temporary. Just temporary. The soil needs more of my magic formula. It's just that I'm out of Chem-a-lot at the moment--so the soil's temporarily dead. It's a small problem, though. Don't you worry. I can handle it.
F: Somehow, I don't think this is good--
FP: I can feed everybody. You just wait and see. You just wait. I have to get more Chem-a-lot. I have to go.
F: Well, you take care of yourself.
FP: THANKS-a-lot. (Begins to exit with a monstrous flourish. Turns suddenly, and speaks in the voice of the hungry woman/small request.) I am so hungry. O-h-h-h-h-h. (Exit to station.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, SHELTER, MC
MC: THAT was an unexpected turn of events, wasn't it?
F: That didn't seem to turn out very well. I'm very confused. (Shrugs shoulders.) Oh, well. Not my problem.
MC: Not his problem. No, no. And do, the Fisherman carried along the path toward home.
F: Well, time to go home. (Climbs over a few members of the audience.)
MC: But you know these folktales, ladies and gentlemen--you can't hardly move without meeting somebody. Before he'd gone very far, he met another poor soul.
Shelter (S): (From position in front of "small request" icon) Psst. Psst. (Fisherman, wandering, tries to find this noise.) Psst. Hey, you. Fisherman. (Fisherman still can't find the sound.) Hey--you with the magic fish.
MC: My, news travels fast in a folktale, doesn't it?
F: Who's there? I can't see you way over there.
S: Oh, it doesn't matter who I am, my child. I'm just another wanderer on the road of life. I'm a wanderer who's very, very tired, and cold, and sunburnt--weathered, I guess you could say.
F: Sorry.
S: I accept your apology.
F: I didn't mean it was my fault.
S: Did anybody say it was?
F: Well, you just said--
S: I mean, you shouldn't feel guilty just because you have a magic fish, and me and my family don't have a house or a fire or any way to shelter us from the wind and the rain--
F: I don't feel guilty.
S: And the tornadoes.
F: I don't--
S: And the black flies.
F: Ouch. That one hurt.
S: I have heard what a kind and generous fisherman you are. I have heard what you did for my friend the gardener.
F: Well, I'm not sure that turned out exactly as planned.
S: (ignoring him) Do you think I could share in your good fortune?
F: Have you seen your friend lately? Ask anyone.
S: Just a small request.
F: He's turned into a terrible monster.
S: (now really begging) Oh, please, Mr. Fisherman. You are so kind and strong and generous and good and--and so on. Do you think you could get your magic fish to grant me and my family a home--like that one up there, for example (referring to the icon)--before the first winter frost appears?
F: Well---
S: It is only out of necessity that I ask. Necessity. My family. We shiver or burn. Shiver or burn.
F: All right.
S: Nothing fancy.
F: All right.
S: A small bungalow in Ancaster.
F: I said all right. I'll do it.
S: Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou. Shall I go with you?
F: No. You stay there. I'll go and ask.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, MC, DANCERS
MC: And so the goodhearted Fisherman, forgetting for the time being what happened to his first wish, went back to the shore of Cootes Paradise.
(Fisherman walks around audience, talking, trying to find his way to the beating of a drum. The drum stops as he reaches his fishing spot.)
F: I think this is the place. I don't know, the world changes so fast, I can hardly find my way. The trees, the fields--they're all different. I think this is it. I hope the Fish doesn't mind. He did say I could come anytime and ask for another wish. Too generous, really.
MC: And he called the Fish with the magic chant.
F: Now, let me see. A magic chant. The Fish asked for verses. Verses. How's this one?
Oh Mr. Fish, oh Magic Fish,
I have a small request,
It isn't very lavish
Just a simple place to rest.
MC: He doesn't seem to like the traditional kind.
F: How about this.
Lean to the left, lean to the right.
Stand up, sit down, come into sight!
MC: Guess not.
F: How about:
Oskee-wee-wee! Oskee-wa-wa!
Come on, Carp! Gimme your paw-paw!
MC: Gimme your paw-paw? That one wasn't even good biology.
F: (Pause. Cups his hands around his mouth and shouts with an echo.) Hello-o-o. C'mon, you said I could come back anytime. Aw, come on, Fish. (Pause.) Please, Fish? (Pause. Frustrated.) YO! FISH!
(Hand Cymbals, and the Fish and Dancers appear.)
MC: There you go! Bravo. Well done. (Applauds.)
Fish: You're back.
F: Yes. I--I hope you don't mind.
Fish: I said you could.
F: I brought you some worms. Got them from the gardener we helped.
Fish: That's nice. I could use some good food. Not as much of it around here now.
F: Oh, no?
Fish: No. There just isn't as much food as there used to be. I don't know why.
F: I thought you looked a little different. Thinner?
Fish: I guess.
F: You have a--something on you, just by your gill.
Fish: I know. I'm just not feeling as healthy as the last time we talked. I can't really put my fin on it.
F: I'm so sorry.
Fish: Nothing to do with you. I'll be all right. Something I ate, I'm sure. How did that last wish turn out?
F: Well, I'm not sure. All right at first, I think. But it got a little out of hand.
Fish: That can happen with wishes. Was it bad?
F: Yes--but maybe it's just temporary. The gardener we helped is going through a bad time. Then she'll be able to grow a good crop again soon. She said.
Fish: I'm sure.
F: Umm.
Fish: Yes?
F: I have another small request.
Fish: Oh. (slight hesitancy) Do you?
F: If it's all right.
Fish: Oh, yes. I said you could, of course. As many as you like. It's my pleasure.
F: A very sweet lady needs a house for her family before the first winter frost appears.
Fish: Ah.
F: It's a small request.
Fish: Yes.
F: What harm could possibly come of it?
Fish: What harm? (Long pause) I can't think of a thing. All right, it's granted.
F: Just like that?
Fish: A snap of the tail. (A sharp twinge of pain.) Oh.
F: Fish, are you all right?
Fish: Oh, yes. I just need some rest. I'm no spring guppy. You'd better go, now. Your new friend needs you.
F: Sorry. Thank you. Hope you're feeling better. (Fisherman turns to leave. The Fish on stage, motionless and perhaps sad. Fisherman talks to himself/audience.) Something's wrong, don't you think? He just sits there. And the water seems different. Even the ripples on the surface move more slowly.
(Exit Fisherman, and the percussion begins.
The Dancers dance.
The Fish is enveloped by the Dancers.
At the end of the dance, the "Big Problem" puppet [SP] moves to the front of the stage and is revealed.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, SHELTER (PUPPET)
F: (Not seeing SP) Now, where was I? (Climbing over audience, and asking directions.) Which way was it? I don't get this at all. There was grass over there, I thought. And a patch of ground--where did those buildings come from?
(Finger Cymbals.)
SP: (to "New York, New York" from "Wonderful Town")
Build more, build more,
It's a wonderful sound.
Everyone's got a home in our town.
It may be plush, or a hole in the ground.
Build more, build more--
Thank you. Thank you very much. Where you from, son?
F: Wh-wh-who are you?
SP: Don't you remember me, sweetie? You wished me a home. What a lovely, dear, sweet thing you were to do that. You gave me my start.
F: You? You're the sweet lady who wanted a home?
SP: Don't you recognize me? It's me. Yes. And I have my home.
F: But--where's the nice cottage?
SP: Oh, it's right here. Can't you see it up top here? I have my home. But you know, it was such a shame to waste that wish just on me. I was sure you'd agree. So I shared it.
F: You did? I didn't know you could do that.
SP: Well, apparently I could. Just look! (Shows off cityscape body.) Everyone can have a home, now. Everyone. Look, see? If we build them close together, all the people here can have their very own houses. And that's a good thing, isn't it? I did that. I passed along your wish.
F: And those there?
SP: Well, we figured out that if we piled everybody on top of each other, we could give a LOT more people homes. So we did that. Pretty good, eh?
F: Seems a little cramped.
SP: Oh, don't be silly. It's cozy.
F: It looks kind of scary.
SP: Well, sure, on the outside looking in, maybe. But when you're in your own little home, it's nice.
F: Where's the grass?
SP: You can't have everything.
F: Can you see the sky?
SP: You can't have everything.
F: Is there a place to meet people?
SP: You can't have every--hey, what is this? Don't you like what we've done?
F: We?
SP: You got me a house, shelter for my family.
F: We?
SP: I was just sharing. You didn't want me to share? You wanted me to hold onto the wish? You wanted me to be the only one with a home of my own?
F: No, of course not.
SP: Of course not. All those people outside my doors and windows crying to get in. All that shivering. All that burning. All those black flies.
F: Ouch.
SP: I tell you, I couldn't stand it any more. I couldn't enjoy my own home. So you know what?
F: What?
SP: I had two choices.
F: Two?
SP: Yes, two. I could either bring them into my home, or give everybody one of their own.
F: Ah.
SP: I decided on the second one. I figured that'd get rid of the problem. Out of sight.
F: Ah.
SP: So I passed along your wish--on your behalf.
F: Ah.
SP: What's with the "Ah's"? You gonna sneeze or something?
F: Ah--no. I was just wondering.
SP: Yes?
F: Who are those people down there, hanging?
(This refers to an idea to have some figures hanging underneath, dangling, and therefore homeless. Obvious symbolism, yes.)
SP: Who? Who? I can't see them. Where are they?
F: Down there. Hanging.
SP: I can't see them. Beats me. Do they have a home?
F: Not that I can see.
SP: Well, hey, what the--. Well, I can't see 'em. If I can't see 'em, they're not there, are they?
F: Ah.
SP: Will you stop that?
F: Ah.
SP: Look, you're very stimulating, but I gotta go. I'm moving. Cottage has got to go. I can give a lot more people a lot more homes if I rebuild--up and out and down and--.
F: (Interrupting, uncharacteristically.) BUT--Where will you live?
SP: Where? I don't know. I hadn't thought of that. I'll--just--hang around, I guess. Oh, well,
I'll wonder as I wander
All through the dark streets,
Why some folks think blue skies
And green grass are neat,
When highrise and suburb
Give all folks a home.
You give some, you lose some--
I wonder. I roam.
Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm going to take a little break, now. Excuse me. (Exit through audience, talking to them.) Where you from, son? Where? Never heard of it. Lots of homes there? Good. Good. You got one? Can I come and live with you? No? Why not? Something wrong with me?
(Exit back to station.)
F: Oh, my goodness, what have I done? (Pause.) Well, I gave a lot of people a home, I guess. (Pause.) But at what price?
SCENE: FISHERMAN, HEALTH, MC
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to be able to report that our Fisherman had some time to reflect on this strange turn of events, but you know how it is with these folktales. The path is pretty much--and I choose my words carefully here--littered with characters.
(Health comes to life in front of her station.)
H: Get away! Don't touch me! Get away!
MC: Oh, look. Here comes one now!
(Enter Health toward the Fisherman. She is nervous, self-conscious, suspicious. And pursued by insects.)
H: Get away! Don't touch me! Filthy creatures, who knows how may germs you carry! Shoo! (Swats insects, and maybe an audience member or two. She swats an especially large insect, and overdoing the swing, accidentally slaps Fisherman.) Oh, sorry, sir. (Shy) How clumsy of me. Here, let me. (Wipes the squashed bug from F's arm.)
F: I'm all right. I'm fine. Are you okay?
H: (Pulling out a very large, carefully folded handkerchief to carefully wipe hands free of insect, then meticulously refolds it--all through the following speech.) No. I mean, yes. Yes, I'm fine. Except. No, I'm fine. It's just. (sighs, giving in) I'm so unhappy lately, and I can't find a solution to my problem. I've been searching so long, and I'm scared that. (Embarrassed) Oh, but here I am blubbering to a total stranger. I'm such an idiot.
F: That's okay. Blubber away. It's my day for that.
H: (Swatting the occasional insect.) Well, okay. Okay, see, it's like this. I have this home, see? It was a nice little thing. I got it from a sweet old lady--gee, it was like magic when she gave it to me.
F: Yes. I know her.
H: But I'll tell you what's happened. Well--it got dirty.
F: Dirty? You can't clean it?
H: Clean it? Well, yes, of course, I clean it. But where do I put all the dirt?
F: Well-- (pause) You could put it-- (pause)
H: You see? That's my problem exactly. And once I put it somewhere, there it sits, you know?
F: Ah.
H: I have this outhouse, see? And I am so sick and tired of trudging out there through the mire and the muck. But it isn't the fact that it's so cold at night when I have to--you know--go. It's just so old and dirty and full of disease. I move my outhouse from one place to another around my yard, but now my yard is--you know--full. Great for the garden, but I'm sure it's full of disease. I just know it. I mean, what can I do?
F: Well-- (Hesitates and repeats.)
H: Well! Don't talk to me about wells. My well has leaves and bugs floating in it, and the water's beginning to taste funny from being so close to my--you know--outhouse. It's all so unsanitary. (Aside to audience, but F overhears.) And besides, it's so hard to draw up the bucket that I could strain a muscle. And then where would I be? (Realizes F has been listening. Covers herself.) But it isn't the convenience, you understand. That isn't it. I just don't want my family to get sick, that's all. What can I do about my well?
F: That's a deep subject.
H: (Pause.) Oh. It's a joke. (Pause.) Well, maybe you can make a joke, but my life is going down the toilet. Except--and this is my point--I don't have one!
F: I'm sorry.
H: Well, you should be. But, that's all right. I know my problem has nothing to do with you. I shouldn't even tell you--(pause)--just because the health of my family is in danger. In danger! (Self-conscious) Oh, there I go. (Tries to pull herself together, smooths out her clothes.)
F: That does sound bad. What exactly are you looking for? I mean, what will solve your problem? Nothing to big, I hope?
H: O, no. Not at all? If I could just get some--some--(To the heavens.)--INDOOR PLUMBING! That's all I could wish for! Just a way to get some good, clean water into the house, and a way to get the bad, dirty water out. Plumbing and sewage. Sewage and plumbing. (Pause as F shows some confusion and disbelief.) Hey (swats bug), it's a reasonable request, isn't it? To keep my home safe from dirt and disease? (Sees something in F's hair, rubs it and swats the bug that flies out.)
F: (Ducks.) Yes, that sounds quite reasonable. (Pause.) Listen.
H: Yes?
F: I don't know whether I should do this, but I know this fish.
H: You do? How special.
F: No, this is a magic fish. In fact, it's the same fish that got you your home.
H: No.
F: Yes.
H: How?
F: Well--it's just magic. Don't worry about it. But I think there are problems with these wishes. The last two--
H: Well of course, I wouldn't want you to do anything you'd regret. Just because my children are living in dirt and disease and and filth and mud and (distraught, rambles on, until F calms her down.)
F: I know. I'll tell you what. I'll go back, and I'll ask for some indoor plumbing for you. Would that be enough?
H: Oh--that would be so wonderful! Oh kind fisherman. But--but could you hurry?
F: Hurry? Is your family that sick?
H: Yes. And we have a lot more story to tell, too.
F: Right. Okay. I'm going.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, MC, DANCERS
MC: Well, they say things always happen in threes. But maybe this time nothing will happen. This Fisherman has a very bad memory. But a good nature. (F goes to fishing spot to beating of drum.) The Fisherman hurried back to the edge of Cootes Paradise.
F: Maybe after this I'll be able to go home. This poor woman is harmless--not like those other two. Now I know how things can go wrong, I'll be more careful. After all--her family is sick. Now let's see.
MC: Verses.
F: Verses. Right.
Fishy, Fishy in the water
One more request is what I offer,
Please be nice and hear me out,
This wish is true, I have no doubt.
MC: Nothing.
F: Bad verse? Or doesn't the Fish like me any more?
Fishy, Fishy in the sea.
I met a man who hates to pee-ee-ee--
Outside--so please, oh please, come on
And give my friend an indoor john.
MC: Nothing--
F: HEY! YO! FISH!
(Fish appears from concealment within Dancers.)
MC: Oh-oh. I think that did it.
Fish: What?
F: What happened to you?
Fish: I don't know. The water's just not what it was. It's kind of dark, and dirty. Something's in it. And, I can't really say what.
F: Is there anything I can do?
Fish: It's just a bad time. It'll all come back again.
F: But you really don't look good.
Fish: (Harsh, uncharacteristically.) Forget it, will you? You had a wish. You want a--a what?
F: I met a woman who is so unhappy. I'd love to make her life better.
Fish: That's good. What can I give her? (A little sarcastically, uncharacteristically.) Power and riches beyond imagining?
F: Ah. No. She could wish for that?
Fish: Not in my present condition, probably. But I've still got a little magic left. What does this person want?
F: Indoor plumbing.
Fish: (pause) That's it?
F: That's it.
Fish: You know, I've been around a long time. I'm quite old.
F: I didn't want to ask.
Fish: And in all this time, I've never been asked for indoor plumbing before.
F: Simple, eh?
Fish: Yes. Simple.
F: What harm can it do?
Fish: I can't think of a thing. Go on home. Your wish is granted.
F: Thanks. Are you sure you'll be all right?
Fish: I just need a rest. Get out of here, now. I'll be fine. I'll see you.
(Fisherman turns to leave. Percussion.
Dancers dance the change to the Fish, conceal it.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, HEALTH (PUPPET)
(Big Problem Puppet [HP]comes front and centre, but this time DOES NOT UNVEIL.
Fisherman, turned away from HP and talking to audience.)
F: Why do I keep losing my way? Are you people moving around on me? Do you exist? Are you in this story? Gee, I'm confused. And where did all this garbage come from? And--wait--what's that smell?
HP: (Breathing deeply) Genius!! (Fisherman turns and jumps with fright!) You're a genius!!
F: Is it--is it you? The one--
HP: With the outhouse, yeah. And the Well. Well, well, well--that's ancient history. Fisherman, you have some kind of power, there, 'cause look at this beee-you-tee-full por-cell-ain toi-toi. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to--well, you know. Flush. I flush and flush and--sometimes I sit and do it for hours on end.
F: I'm very happy for you. But--you look--
HP: Yes?
F: Well, you kind of look different. Kind of like a--
HP: Yes, I know. Hey, we are how we live, you know? The john makes the man. The right tools for the right job? At last! Clean water! Hot water! Lots and lots and lots and lots and-- What a pleasure! I just can't think of enough ways to use it. Once my jacuzzi was installed, it was hard to decide between enjoying that or taking a nice long shower. So I did both! And don't give me any of that crap--pardon the expression--about wasting water! Look around, it's not going anywhere! Hey, it rains, doesn't it? Water, water, water!!! All the water in the world! This is your genius. I cannot thank you enough.
F: My genius. But I-- What did I do again? It was just indoor plumbing, wasn't it?
HP: Just? Just? You gave me good health, my friend. You gave me the means to wash it all away. I don't have to worry any more.
F: Ah.
HP: I don't have to think about it.
F: Ah.
HP: You going to sneeze?
F: There's a kind of a smell. From underneath, there.
HP: Yeah? I can't smell a thing. Forget about it. It doesn't matter.
F: But I-- (during the next speech, the Fisherman sneaks down and uncovers HP, holding his nose, and getting help from the audience, perhaps.)
HP: This idea of just flushing stuff away, it was brilliant, really. It's so clean. I can keep my lawn green and my clothes clean in my lean, mean washing machine. And there go the suds--and the soap and the germs and the--you know-- It just goes away! Really, it's all so perfect! It was all so perfect, I gave away your magic to everyone. Everyone! There's a way
To flush away the garbage
And to wash away the waste,
And we won't have to worry
We can live with taste!
Ooh, I'm so immaculate. I simply can't conceive of anyone as immaculate as I am. What are you doing? What's going on?
(HP is uncovered, and the sludge and slime is revealed.)
F: The Horror! The Horror!
HP: What? What's the problem? Didn't you know? Oh, that! Well--all that crap--pardon the expression--had to go somewhere.
F: But what have we done?
HP: What do you mean, what have we done? Hey, don't worry, friend. It's all under control. It all goes down and away, and we don't worry about it. We have people who take care of it. Sure. A few filters, some chemical stuff, and presto-chang-eo, you got some nice clean water. Something like that.
F: Something like that?
HP: Hey, look, I pay taxes. I use, it goes, and it's taken care of.
F: But it's so horrible.
HP: Well, there's a simple solution to that, isn't there?
F: What?
HP: Don't look. I'm going. Gonna buy a new toilet. (To someone in the audience.) This one'll be a two-flusher. Man, I love to flush. (Begins to leave. Stops and turns. Sniffs. To no one in particular.) Say, I do smell a little something. (Raises his arm and sprays some freshener.) There, that's better. Keeps the bugs away, too. (Sprays again.) Take that, you little.... (Exit.)
F: Oh, my goodness gracious. What have I done? I just wanted to be good and kind. I just wanted to share my good fortune. Why, oh why can't people just stick to their--to their--to their own small cottage and garden and--you know. Oh, but that would be so selfish, too. I'm so confused. I must get away. (He sits down in the middle of the audience, depressed.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, TRANSPORTATION, [MC]
MC: And so the Fisherman went very confusingly on his way--. I said, the Fisherman went on his way--in this folktale--where Fisherman have to keep moving-- (pause) All right. The Fisherman was so depressed he just sat down and wouldn't move even though the narrator asked him to. After a while
(The Transportation (T) actor comes alive, and rubbing his bare feet, hops and runs through the audience, obviously in pain, and moaning.)
MC: After a while along came a very strange man, howling with pain.
T: Oh-h-h. Excuse me. Excuse me. Ouch. That hurts. Look out. Gangway. (To Fisherman.) Excuse me, sir! Excuse me!
F: Yes?
MC: You see? One more poor soul, in desperate need.
T: Are you the Fisherman with the Magic Fish?
F: The who with the what? Never heard of such a thing. (Tries to ignore him. T sits beside him, possibly bothering some audience members.)
T: Sure. It's you. I've heard all about you. I need your help.
F: No, you don't.
T: Sure, I do. Look at these feet.
F: (A great show of looking.) What about them?
T: Well, look at how sore they are.
F: Yes, and?
T: I need relief! And you're the one who can give it to me.
F: You don't want my help. Every time I try to help, it all goes wrong.
T: Oh, come on. What can go wrong? Look at these feet! I need help!
F: I said NO!!
(Pause. T gets up somewhere in here and moves around the audience, getting sympathy from them if he can.)
T: Oh, sure, now I'll lose my job!
F: (Hesitating.) What do you mean?
T: I'm a messenger. Delivery man. I travel all over town. I keep people in touch. I get the food to market and the lumber to the houses and the plumbing to the plumber. All that stuff. And that keeps me in a job.
F: I see.
T: And a home.
F: I see.
T: And it keeps me fed.
F: I see.
T: And healthy.
F: I get the picture.
T: And all my many little children, and my very large extended dependent family, and--
F: All right! (Jumps up.) All right! I get it. You need something. But what do you need?
T: A way to get around. Nothing special. Let's see. How about--rollerblades. No, no. Can't carry enough--and dangerous. How about--let me see--a tricycle. Too young. A bicycle? Too hard to pedal up the mountain. No--it will have to be--
F: Have to be what?
T: A auto-mo-beel of some kind.
F: Oh, no. I know where that can lead.
T: A little car. (coaxes him. Lots of pauses and whining and timing necessary for humour here.) A very little car. A teeney, weeney, baby car-car. Almost a dinky toy. Really. A hundred kilos to the litre. Really. Oh, come on. (Puts his arm around him.) Just one wish for a tired--uh (holding up one foot)--sole. (Nudging him.) Come on.
F: Well-ll-ll-ll...
T: You're a prince. (Shakes hand vigorously.) You won't regret this for a second.
F: I hope not.
T: So, how do we do it?
F: I do it. It's my Magic Fish.
T: Yeah, okay. I respect your territory. But, didn't you say you weren't doing too well in the actual wish department.
F: Yes? So?
T: So maybe this time you could use some help.
F: (Cheering up a bit.) You know, you might be right. Maybe that's been the problem all along. People just don't know what it is to make a wish. Yes, that's it. Let's go.
MC: And so they raced back to the edge of Cootes' Paradise. (F and T, standing about where they should be anyway, make like they're going to move. T moans with pain.) Stop--a trip we will not show you, in the interests of time. (F and T look at MC, and shrug shoulders, position themselves in usual Fish-calling position centre-audience.)
T: What do we do now?
F: We call him with a verse.
T: A verse?
F: A poem. Or a song. Something.
T: All right, then. Let me try.
How about some rap:
I think dat I will never see
A tree as beautiful as me.
MC: Nothing.
F: Nice sentiment, though.
T: How about a little country--
I got tears in my ears
From lying in my bed
Crying over you.--Fish-ee
MC: He's probably in the next ecosystem over by now.
F: I don't think so.
T: Okay, this is my last shot--a little of the old opera:
(From Pagliacci)
Yoh, Ho, my fish-oh!
I do love magic fish-oh!
(Nothing. T and F look at each other, shrug shoulders, and together shout.)
YO! FISH!
SCENE: FISHERMAN, TRANSPORTATION, FISH, DANCERS
(The Fish reappears from the Dancers, slowly and sadly.)
T: Hey. He doesn't look so good. You sure he's the one?
F: I-I think he's the one. Fish, is that you?
Fish: What's that? Is that you, Fisherman?
F: Oh, Fish. Fish?
Fish: It's me. What's left of me. It's been horrible here since you left last time. It's so hard to breath here, and no food grows. I'm sick as a--. I'm sick.
F: I'm so sorry. Is it something I did?
Fish: Not you. No, no. It just happened. Your little requests and my little magic couldn't have done a thing like this. Could they?
F: No.
Fish: Could they?
F: I--don't know.
T: Hey, fishey? How's your fins, man?
Fish: Who's your friend?
F: Just a guy with bad feet. But now that I see you're not well, maybe we should go.
T: Hey, what is this? You said--you promised. My family--my feet! Just one more, please, Mr. Fish.
F: Can't you see it's sick?
T: Not me. No. I never saw it when it was well, so what do I know? I just want a small--and I think we agreed--very reasonable wish.
F: Fish. Can you do this?
Fish: I must.
F: Why must?
Fish: I can't do anything but give. It's my--nature.
T: Yeah, well I want a nice big truck, all right? I got a business to run, and there are a lot of people who need me to get stuff to them. And--
Fish: All right, my friend. Wait a moment. (A show of concentration.) Oh. Oh, my. I never-- I'm sorry. But I'm too sick to grant such a big wish. For now. (Very sad.)
T: Too sick? I didn't know that could happen to a magic fish.
Fish: Neither did I. This is a first. But it's happened.
T: Gee. I'm sorry.
F: Oh, my fish. I'm so sorry.
T: So--I guess this means it's all off.
F: Of course. How could you even ask?
T: Well, it's no problem asking. (To fish.) How about something smaller? I don't care. I said to the Fisherman, didn't I, fisherman, just a little car. Something so I can take my kids to see their grandma. Like that.
Fish: Just a moment. (Concentrates.) Yes. Yes, there. I did it. It's done. You can go back home, now. It will be waiting for you.
T: Really? Oh, that's just terrific. Thanks, pal. (Goes over to shake his fin. Sees how sick he is, and thinks better of it.) Come on, Fisherman. Let's go see my new auto-mo-beel.
F: Oh, my poor, poor fish. What can I do?
T: Hey, did I get a CB, too? Rubber ducky, this is Big Ben--Come on! (T drags F after him, and F and Fish wave to each other, but they do not speak.)
(Dancers dance the change, and conceal the Fish.)
(Finger cymbals.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, TRANSPORTATION
T: There's my home. See it? And look! There's the car sitting out front! Oh, it's a beauty. Small--but a beauty! Hey, Fisherman, thanks.
F: You're welcome, I guess. You will be careful with this wish, won't you?
T: Are you kidding? Of course I will. Now that I got a car, it'll be terrific. I already can't imagine life without one. Here, let me just climb into it. (T. approaches Transportation Puppet (TP); it begins to possess him.) Hey, what's happening?
F: Are you all right?
T: I don't know. Something's drawing me to the car, and it ain't just that I like cars. Something's--Honk, honk! What was that? I feel--vroom, vroom, vroom. Why did I do that? I'm--Aruga, aruga! Oh, no!! I'm being eaten by the car!
(T is "sucked" underneath the covering. We hear his cries. The Fisherman cries out and rushes over, pulling the covering off the Puppet. Underneath, T has become a part of the puppet, which is all made from parts of cars, and little cars, and a siren and a traffic light and a flashing red light and track from a racing set, etc. The main monstrosity is that the man has been subsumed into the machine. F hides in audience.)
TP: (The voice of T and of TP are heard by turns in the following--italics for T. And running totally out of breath occasionally, as in out of gas.) Hey, don't go so fast. Which way? Is this the collector lane or the real highway? This is so fantastic. It's better than home. I have 16 speakers for my cd and this baby will do 180 in 4 seconds but not so fast. Help, help! I can't get off the road! I'm being held ransom by the speed! But think of the convenience. I can go see my mom anytime I want to and be there just a few hours, well if the roads are wide enough and flat enough we really need more of them don't we or we won't be able to see our moms whenever we want to and live wherever we want to if we don't have our roads and our cars and if we can't go faster and faster and faster we'll all have to live in those very small apartments they're building for us in the cities instead of enjoying the great outdoors and the green and the woods and the sky and the sky and the sky Help let me out but think of what we'd miss we'd miss the joy of oranges in December my granny never had oranges in December but now we can have them all the time thanks to the pavement that's progress and it's good you know it lets the have nots give to the haves and the haves give to the have nots and Let me out I can't stand the Speed!
(All the while TP is rolling around the outside of the Audience. It should be horrible and comic, a true grotesque. After some time, when the TP is back where he was, the Fisherman re-covers him to make him stop.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, COMFORT, MC
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, that was the most amazing and frightening monster I have ever seen. Alive, I mean. Did it frighten you? And you? No? Hmm. You're so strong. I must tell you, I'm not sure I like the way this story is going. And I know the Fisherman doesn't like it. Well, look at him.
Fisherman: (Backing away from the Transportation Puppet, through the audience, stumbling over people, looking at it.) I can't stand it. I can't stand to look at it. (But looking at it.) I'll never ask for another wish as long as I live!
MC: Absolutely right. Never another wish. I think everybody here would agree.
F: Never.
(A child cries, and the Small Request for Comfort comes alive as a small child.)
F: What was that noise? (asks around audience)
Comfort (C): (cries, a small child)
MC: It's nothing. Nothing. Just a child.
C: (Cries again.)
F: But what's wrong?
C: (Cries again.)
MC: Children cry. She'll get over it.
F: (Tries to ignore the crying, but cannot.) I can't ignore it. I have to find out.
MC: Remember your promise. Never again.
F: (Calls to the Child, Comfort) What's wrong, little girl?
C: I'm so sad.
F: Why?
C: I don't know. I'm just sad.
F: What can I do to help?
C: I don't know. (Cries again.)
F: Stop, now. There, there. Don't cry. Look. Look, I can dance. See? Funny, eh?
C: (Stops crying. Laughs for a moment.) Yes. Funny. But--
F: (Stops dancing.) But what?
C: But I'm still sad! (Cries.)
F: Okay. Okay, look. I can make funny faces, too. See? (And does this.)
C: (Stops. Stares. Then cries again.) That's scary!
F: Not as scary as what I've seen. But never mind. Oh, dear.
MC: Nothing will help. Best to leave her alone.
F: I have to help.
MC: Why?
F: It's--my nature.
MC: Oh.
F: You wouldn't want me to lose that, would you?
MC: No, no. It's just that--
F: (Ignoring the MC.) I have to help. (Child continues to cry.) If only I knew what she needed? Let me look at her. She just sits there. She needs something. Look, little girl.
C: (Through her tears) Yes?
F: Look, how would you like a nice, cuddly toy to play with. Something to go to sleep with at night. (C stops crying and shows interest.) Something to comfort you.
C: (Smiling, clapping hands.) Oh, yes, yes. (Then changes to sadness, again.) But I won't.
F: I'll get you something.
C: You will?
F: Yes. I can get that for you. I just have to go somewhere for a little while to get it (Aside to himself/audience.) The Fish. This could make up for everything. This one small toy. Oh, but the poor Fish. (To C) I'll be back soon.
C: Don't go! (Cries.)
F: No. Don't cry. I'll be back. I will.
C: You won't!
F: I will! Now, don't worry. Don't cry. I'll be back.
C: (Grabs him around the ankle.) Don't go! I'll be sad!
F: (Can't get away.) Let me-- Oh, all right. What will I do? (Thinks.) I wonder if I can wish from here? (Thinks. To MC.) Hey, you.
MC: Yes?
F: You seem to know everything that goes on in this story. Can I wish from here?
MC: I don't know. It's a long way to Coote's Paradise.
F: But if I'm loud enough, maybe the Fish will still hear me and come.
MC: Maybe. It's a Magic Fish, after all.
F: Hey, Fish! Fish! Can you hear me, Fish?
MC: Not working.
F: Well, help me, all right? (C is still clinging to F)
MC: I don't know if I'm allowed. I'm just the narrator.
F: Come on. It's for the child.
MC: Oh-h-h-h. All right. Fine. Together, now.
F: Together, count of three. One. Two. Three.
MC and F: Yo! Fish!
MC: Nothing.
F: Nothing. (Dejected. C cries.) We need more noise.
MC: Uh-huh. But how?
F: What about these people?
MC: What, the audience? This isn't one of THOSE shows, is it?
F: I don't care. We need the Fish to help the child. For the child.
MC: Well----
F: Look. I need this. I've made a lot of mistakes. It's been a bad day. This could make up for it.
MC: All right. Ladies and gentlemen, I know you probably don't like audience participation in the theatre, but this is a desperate case. If we want to get a toy to that child so she will stop crying, we're going to have to yell for the Fish. I hope you won't let us down. All right. All together, now. On the count of three. Ready Fisherman?
F: Ready.
MC: One. Two. Three. YO! FISH! Not quite. One more time. YO! FISH!
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, DANCERS, [COMFORT]
(Fish appears from among the dancers. It is sick, horribly disfigured, and moves slowly.)
Fish: (hoarsely) Fisherman. Fisherman, is that you? I can't see you.
F: (Astonished.) Fish! Fish, I can see you, but I'm not there. How can that be?
Fish: (Coughs.) I guess I still have a little magic left. A little, only a little. (Coughs.)
F: Fish, what is wrong? I thought you said everything would be all right?
Fish: I thought. I don't know. There is so little life left. I don't know.
F: Fish, I'm so sorry. I should come to you. To comfort you.
Fish: Best stay away from the water. Something's very wrong.
F: Fish. (Hesitation.) I shouldn't ask.
Fish: I know about the child. It's all right. It's very kind of you.
F: Just one toy. To comfort her.
Fish: It is done.
F: Why do you keep on giving me things?
Fish: It is what I do. I give. It's my--nature. (showing further deterioration, and making a sound.)
F: Fish? What is it, Fish? I can't see you so clearly any more. Fish!
(Dancers dance a further deterioration of the Fish. C moves away from F, and is replaced behind F by the "Comfort Puppet" [CP]. When dance is finished, C uncovers CP.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, COMFORT (PUPPET)
CP: Thank you!
F: (Jumps.) My goodness. Who are you?
CP: I'm happy, that's who I am. I'm so happy, and so are all of my friends. What a gift you gave me!
F: Y-you're the child? The one who was crying?
CP: (The following references to the puppet will depend on its final look.) Absolutely. But those days are over. I'm not crying any more! I've got everything I need to keep me happy. Look! I've got a teddy-bear and a barbie doll--all right, six barbies and three kens. And I've got--hey, I've got all the toys that there ever were and there ever will be. And it was such a great thing to get all of those toys that I thought I'd share, so I let lots of little boys and girls have lots of toys, and my mom and my dad, and--well, everyone should have lots of stuff, don't you think?
F: I guess. But I just wished for one.
CP: Well, look how these things grow and grow! Look at this:
[to "My Favourite Things"]
Barbies and Kennies and sports cars and wagons,
Nintendo and Sony and twelve plastic dragons,
Hundreds of presents all tied up with string--
I just can't stop til I own everything!
Doodoo-doodoo, doodoo-doodoo.
Sorry. I just love all this stuff. I love to take my shoes and socks off and run through it all. It's so--what's the word--neat!
F: Oh, no. Not again.
CP: What's the problem?
F: It's all wrong. It's out of control.
CP: No. Everything's under control. Under MY control.
F: You were just so sad.
CP: And now I'm happy.
F: And lonely.
CP: And now I'm not--I have so many friends. All I have to do is pass along your wish, and then they get as much stuff as I have, and then--presto--friends! Look--at--all--this--stuff!
F: Yes. I see it. But--but--
CP: Yes?
F: It's all broken.
CP: Well, of course. I play with it, don't I? And it breaks.
F: It's ALL broken.
CP: (Pause.) Yes. That's true. (Pause.) But that will change. As soon as the next shipment arrives.
F: Shipment? Shipment of what?
CP: Of more STUFF! Hahahahahaha! MORE STUFF! (Pause.) Speaking of Stuff--hahahaha--I wonder where it is? It's been a long time. If it doesn't come soon, well, I might start getting bored. And my friends will go home. And--well-- (Begins crying like C prior to transformation.)--then I'll be so sad again. (Stops. Perks up.) Oh, well, while I'm waiting, there's always the Television! When I turn this way, I can get Buffalo! Bye! (Back to station.)
(Fisherman left alone, turns around to audience, looks at them in every direction, and appeals to them with this face and hands for help)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, MC (SECURITY), [OTHER PUPPETS]
F: (During this speech, he wanders through the crowd, ending up in front of the Station of Security Puppet.) What will I do? How can I fix it? Food and Shelter and Health and Travel--and now this, this--Stuff everywhere. Oh, I wish I'd never caught the poor, poor Fish. Whatever will I do?
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, what a sad story. I'm sure you didn't expect such a sad story. But there it is--these folktales don't always turn out exactly the way we plan them.
F: Oh, what will I do?
MC: We're not quite done yet. The poor Fisherman was lost on the path to his home. Everything he had tried to do for others this day had gone wrong, and his new friend was very sick. He was, as they say, at his wit's end, and needed help desperately.
F: Oh what will I do?
MC: At this point in the story he met one last citizen on the road. But this citizen was different. Ladies and gentlemen, in this case I will be playing this last citizen of the folktale. (MC puts on a hat/whatever, and goes through the crowd toward F).
F: Oh what will I do?
MC: I know what to do.
F: What? Who are you?
MC: I've been following your progress around this trail. I've been shocked by what's been happening.
F: You have? So have I.
MC: It's shameful how all these other people have ruined your good work.
F: They have? No, no. They were just asking for little things. You really think so?
MC: Yes, and then they went too far. [Comfort makes an appropriate noise.] What was that?
F: No. Things got out of control. It wasn't anybody's fault. [Transportation makes an appropriate noise.] What was what?
MC: Well. Maybe. Fault or no fault, it's a disaster. [Health makes an appropriate noise.] There it is again. A sound from over there. Or over there.
[Actor-puppets make a general, low-level noise that continues. Speeches are shouted above the noise.]
F: Yes. Yes, I hear it, now.
MC: It's total chaos, isn't it?
F: It is?
MC: Yes. Look around, won't you? Look around?
F: I'm looking.
MC: Look at the monsters in the world. Look!
F: I'm looking.
[Actors take their puppets and shake or move them in some way, as they make a loud and frightening staccato noise--something sharp and quick. Then silence. They do not move.]
MC: They're coming. They're coming to get you.
F: No. No, I gave them their wishes, sort of. They're not.
MC: Oh, no! Look out! (Sounds and shakes.)
F: Are they really?
(MC and F run through the audience fearful. The MC is inciting the panic in F, and he is cowering.)
MC: What can we do?
F: I don't know. It's all gone wrong. I don't know.
MC: What can we do?
F: What can we do?
MC: (Changing his tone.) I know.
F: What?
MC: Make a wish.
F: What?
MC: Make a wish. To protect us. You could protect us.
F: (Pause, and backs away.) Oh, no. Oh, no you don't. I won't do that again. Not if my life depended on it.
MC: But it does. Go on. It's one last wish. You don't have time to think. Look at what's happened. What you need is protection. We all need that. Take it.
F: I said--
MC: Not if your life depended on it--fine. Then how about mine. And all these people here. Look at them. They're surrounded by all these problems, and you hold the key to make them safe. If we could just keep these monsters in line somehow. Oh, no--here they come again!
F: They are? (Puppets haven't moved, but MC is fearmongering now.)
MC: Oh, no. Duck. Hide. Hide behind these people here. No, over here. Use them as human shields! No. Nothing will work. Shut them out. Shut them out!
F: Shut them out! Shut them out! Stay out, will you? Stay away.
MC: Say Yo, Fish.
F: I won't.
MC: Make the wish.
F: I won't.
MC: Here they come.
F: I won't.
MC: Duck!!!!
F: (Stands up, looks up, shouts) YO! FISH! KEEP US SAFE!
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, DANCERS
(Percussion, and the Fish appears. During the next brief exchange, MC moves over to the Security Puppet [SP] and becomes that puppet at appropriate moment.)
Fish:
Oh, Fisherman, Fisherman, what do you wish?
There's nothing alive here, not plant and not fish.
My magic won't work here, and I'm going to die.
But you need protection. All right, friend. I'll try.
Oh, dear. And it was such a beautiful--beautiful--home.
(Dancers dance, and the Fish lies on the stage. The percussion slows to a heartbeat, then slows to a stop. Pause. While this is happening, the Security Puppet [Sec] is uncovered. After the death and the pause, it laughs and comes forward.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, MC (SECURITY PUPPET)
Sec: A fence is not enough! Protection!
F: What? Fish? Fish? I hear you. I'm coming.
Sec: (Coming through the crowd, "protecting" them from the other puppets.) Protection! Protect the home! Protect the garden! Protect the Health of the children, for certain! Protect everything! The roads and the rivers and the mountains and valleys! A fence is not enough!
F: This is a nightmare!
Sec: A wall is not enough!
F: Get away!
Sec: We have to protect our STUFF! OUR STUFF, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Otherwise--otherwise we won't have it. And then where would we be?
F: Get away!
Sec: I'm protecting you. I'm here to protect you. But a fence just isn't enough. A fence can be climbed. So I'll build a wall. No, they can be climbed. No, I better get a knife. Not enough. A gun. What kind? No. Armies and navies, I wonder what else I can use for protection? Something to give me some real strength. What will it take?
F: Get away!
Sec: There's a powerful force coursing through my veins, giving me strength. I can do anything and no one will ever be able to stop me. I can destroy anyone! (pause) Ah, I mean, protect anyone.
F: Get away!
Sec: Protect.
F: I don't want any protection!
Sec: (pause). What? What did you say?
F: I don't want any protection from you.
Sec: Yes, you do. You need me, or you'll lose everything.
F: (pause.) Lose what? I have nothing left.
Sec: You have me.
F: I don't want you! I want my fish.
Sec: (pause.) Well, I like that. Don't you have any gratitude?
F: I don't have anything! (pause) And certainly not gratitude for you. (To other puppets) Or you! Any of you! What have you done?
SCENE: CAST--FISHERMAN, MC, FOOD, SHELTER, HEALTH, TRANSPORTATION, COMFORT, FISH, DANCERS
[Puppet-Actors mumble again through the following, and shout their lines above the general noise.]
Food: What do you mean, what have we done?
Shelter: We were just trying to share our good fortune.
Health: You get a wish granted, you pass it on.
Transportation: You're talking as if we did something WRONG.
Comfort: We're not the bad guys here--
All Together: Just who do you think we are?
F: But--
Food: But, Fisherman?
Shelter: No buts, Fisherman.
Health: You were the one passing around the wishes--Fisherman.
Transportation: You don't like the consequences? Tough, pal.
Comfort: That's the way it shakes--Fisherman. [Shake puppet]
F: I didn't want YOU to happen!
Sec: Well--you don't get something for nothing, do you?
F: (Standing up and shouting.) I WANT MY FISH!!!
(The Puppets fall silent. Sec Puppet in a huff goes back to his station. MC goes back to being MC. The Fisherman turns around, without any show of travel or passage of time, and talks to the Fish, and then to the audience.)
F: Fish? Fish? Oh, my God, look at this place. Just slime and rot. Dark and so, so sad. Not one thing left alive here. What is that ugly carcass lying there? Is that my Fish? Oh, Fish! Fish! I'm calling you!
It's too late for verses, isn't it? You're too far away to hear me. If I had just one more wish--. But I need you here for me to wish a wish. You're too far away.
MC: He's been far away before this, and you called him.
F: Yes. That's true.
MC: Why don't you try again?
F: YO! FISH!
MC: You need a little help, don't you?
F: You mean, with everybody?
MC: With one voice.
F: (To Audience.) Look. Everybody. I hate to ask. I know, you like your privacy, and you're just the audience, and we're supposed to be doing all the work here because we had rehearsals. But our Fish is--well--very, very sick. It may already be too late. But if we do this thing all together, we may be able to bring him back.
One. Two. Three.
YO! FISH!
And Again.
YO! FISH!
(Pause. Nothing.)
F: I guess it's too late.
MC: Hmm. This ending won't do. This is a family show. We have to have a happy ending. People expect it.
We just need EVERYBODY, that's all. (Pause. To the Actor/Puppets.) I said EVERYBODY!
(At this point, the actors get involved.)
Food: Hey, I didn't want to kill the Magic Fish!
Shelter: Me, neither!
Health: I just wanted--what I wanted.
Transportation: But maybe I don't want it any more.
Comfort: Not if THAT'S what it costs.
Food: I'll call for the fish.
Shelter: I'll call.
Health: Me, too.
Trans: Count me in.
Comfort: I'll call for the Magic Fish.
MC: Shall we try again?
MC and F: All together now? 1, 2, 3.
YO! FISH!
(A single beat of the drum. Pause.)
MC: Nearly there! Again!
YO! FISH!
(Another beat of the drum. And another. The Dancers dance, and the Fish shows signs of life. And the actors applaud, and the Fisherman jumps for joy.)
Fish: (weakly) Fisherman. Fisherman. You brought me back. You did it.
F: We all did it. Everybody here helped.
Fish: (To everybody, taking a small bow.) Thank you.
F: How are you feeling?
Fish: Still sick. My home is all gone. All dead.
Food: Hey, fisherman! Why don't you wish for some good things to eat for the Fish?
Shelter: Hey, Fisherman! Wish for a good home for the Fish.
Health: Wish for good health.
Transportation: Send her to a better place to live.
Comfort: Wish for toys!
Security/MC: Wish for a safe life for the poor thing!
All: (Chanting) Wish, wish, wish....
F: STOP! NO MORE WISHES! (Turning to the Fish.) Fish! If I thought I could WISH you back to the way you were, I would. But I know it would all go terribly wrong. Fish! You give away too much. NO MORE WISHES! There must be another way.
Fish: What way is that?
F: I have no idea. But I'm going to find out. (F turns to leave.)
MC: Good for you, fisherman. And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, our folktale comes to an end. Well, for us. But it isn't going to end for the Fisherman. He learned and he worked for his whole life long, until the Magic Fish of Cootes Paradise lived in Paradise again.
MC: [Shouting.] Six Puppets and a Fish! The End!
[MC points to the various characters, and invites bows and applause.]
[After end of show.]
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you very much for your kind attention. We hope you enjoyed the show. We want to encourage you to see other events at the Summer Arts Festival. There are concerts, art exhibitions, and "The Treepenny Opera".
We're not going anywhere, Ladies and Gentlemen. We invite you to take a look at the puppets, and talk to the actors. And please, please, help the Fisherman by telling any of us what we can do to bring the Magic Fish back to life.
Because, in case it wasn't clear enough--you're all involved.
Thanks. We'll be passing the hat to pay for the puppets.
APPENDIX
WORDS FOR THE BANNERS
Banners/Signs are important, because they provide a communication with the audience that cannot be achieved effectively through the dialogue. The Signs can be read at anytime before, during and after the performance. They constitute a part of the set, and a commentary on the action. Typically a portion of the Sign--a catchphrase or "hook"--will be in large print; the rest will be in a smaller print which will require closer inspection by the audience. We selected from the following compilaton--obviously not all of these can be used, or will be appropriate:
[ONE SIGN FOR EACH OF THE FOLLOWING:]
FOOD
SHELTER
HEALTH
TRANSPORATION
COMFORT
SECURITY
FISH
FISHERMAN
A STORYTELLER
THE AUDIENCE
A MUSICIAN
IS THAT NATURAL? I have a fish at home. Every couple of days I change his water. Is he, like, polluting his environment?
EXTINCTION BEGINS AT HOME. Bear, lynx, otter, bull frogs, sturgeon, mooneye, sauger, whitefish, etc, etc, etc. All gone from Hamilton Harbour.
CAUSES. What is causing the loss of species from ecosystems? The simple of answer is people.
HOW DO WE DO IT? The dominant mode of human-caused extinction is habitat destruction--conversion of land to agriculture, road building, pollution.
RATS FOR EAGLES! ROACHES FOR TROUT! We replace old habitats for new--pavement, landfill, sewage streams--best suited not for eagles and trout, but for new and wonderful forms of rats and roaches. And people?
ALIVE!!! A population of 25 pairs of Northern Pike were located in Grindstone Creek. The last of their kind around here.
We ought not to harm living things.
SLAM!!
What do we do when the interests of living things conflict?
ALONE.
25 percent of all people in the United States and Canada live alone. That's up from 8 percent in 1940.
500,000 FLUSHING TOILETS.
There are three major polluters of Hamilton Harbour waters. Two of them are major industries. The other one? You and I, together.
SHRINKING. HAMILTON HARBOUR IS LESS THAN HALF THE SIZE IS WAS 100 YEARS AGO. Around 1900, people who lived by the water would build little dikes just offshore, fill them in, and make a bigger back yard. Every year they did this, and the Harbour got a little smaller. The big industries did the same thing.
DIAL 911. When television was introduced in the 1950s, theft increased, alot. People just wanted all that stuff.
THE MIRROR UP TO NATURE CRACKED. Cootes Paradise is a damaged, prized possession.
TOP O' THE WORLD, MA! We live on top of the environment. We should live inside it.
What is GARBAGE, anyway, and WHO invented it?
ZOOM OUT
How big is your environment? House, yard, block, town, region, province, country, continent, hemisphere, planet?
IF A TREE FALLS...
If I throw some garbage in my back yard in Dundas, does it hurt the animals in India?
FROM LAND AND AIR, IT ALL GETS THERE. What's in the water and who put it there? Answer: Whatever we put on our lawns and fields, blow out of our chimneys and tailpipes.
SO WHY WORRY? We spend 80 percent of our lives INSIDE buildings.
What goes UP IN SMOKE must come down to rest in the waters murky.
FISH AND PEOPLE. Fish have the same problems as people. If pollution affects them--what are you dumping on yourself?
POLLUTION IS HISTORICAL. The water is much cleaner than it was. Some kinds of fish have returned after FIFTY years away.
WILL SHE TELL YOU? What lies at the bottom of Cootes Paradise? Only your biologist knows for sure.
STATISTIC. If you took all the crankcase oil dumped down all the sewer drains in Canada in one year, it would fill at least two extra-large oil tankers.
Water is filled with GUNK (technical term).
EROSION.
The rain washes soil from the highways and the building sights and the farms and the city streets, down to the harbour. The WIND whips it up, the sun can't get through, and nothing grows.
POISON. Some of what washes down into the water is more than murky. It's poison.
ALGAE. Some of what washes down into the water feeds the algae that fills the water and blocks the sun and kills the plants that feed the animals.
SEWAGE. Some of what washes into the Harbour comes from the sewage treatment plants that overflow after a heavy rain.
NOISE.
If everybody could be in one place at one time, and started their engines all at once, what would that sound like?
BEACHES. Hamilton closed its beaches in the 1940s.
GUERILLA POLLUTERS--ATTACK!
It's easy to control one very large industry that pollutes. But you--you're a moving target while you pollute. Hit and run.
How many parts per billion is too many?
Where does pollution come from? It happens when you wash your car, flush your toilet, pour an old can of paint down the drain, dump, bury, hide....
Who has the right to pollute?
How much pollution is too much?
If I can't see pollution, is it there?
MALL TIME. Malls are safe, protected from the unknown scary creatures of the outdoors and a world beyond your control. And MOSQUITOES.
People are so impatient.
SPEED. The First Car in Hamilton was a one-cylinder Winton owned by John Moodie. It was a covered buggy with rubber tires. It went 25 miles an hour. There was no law to cover anything that went that fast.
EFFICIENCY. Moody's car got 15 miles to the gallon. Gas sold for 6 or 7 cents.
SUCCESS.
By 1850 Hamilton had four foundries, four machine shops, a saw mill and planing machine, an organ factory, two grist mills and some broom factories.
By 1850, there was too much raw sewage in Hamilton Harbour to use for drinking water.
INVISIBLE. Polyaromatic Hydrocarbons. Pollution you can't see or smell.
THE SWEET SMELL... Can scientific information ever be as impressive as the smell of foul water?
You're A FREE RIDER when you figure it's all right to throw YOUR empty can on the ground, because everyone else is recycling.
COMMON PROPERTY is an area everybody can use, but nobody has the responsibility to clean.
One person's sewage disposal site is another's swimming hole.
Freedom in the Commons brings ruin to all.
STATISTICS. 52 percent of Hamilton Harbour's shoreline is used by industry. 11 percent is residential. 7 percent is open space.
WATER RUNS IN. About 25 streams run into Hamilton Harbour. That Watershed covers more than 500 Km2.
WHO'S IN CHARGE? Who runs Hamilton Harbour? You? Me? Us? Government? Which Government? Which office of which Government? Which--oh, forget it.
THE AMBITIOUS BAD ACTOR. The only organism that grows only for its own sake is the cancerous cell. Oh, and us.
How clean is clean?
AN ENVIRONMENTAL INSULT. Hey, Fish! Try living in THIS, pal! Nyah-nyah!
HAMILTON HARBOUR. 1790s: fish, wildlife, business, recreation, all together. 1970s: impoverished, polluted, inaccessible, unattractive.
RESTORATION. A mighty effort since the the 1970s has improved the quality of water. But it can never be completely RESTORED.
A FUTURE. I look forward to a time when the environment will be balanced, friendly, accessible, clean, and diverse.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A PORT that receives as many of 1,000 ships a year.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A SEWER that receives industrial and municipal waste equal to 40% of the waters' volume, every year.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A RECREATION FACILITY for boating, walking, cycling, birding, ice-skating.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A WATER SUPPLY for Heavy Industry.
THE BOTTOM of the Harbour was once gravel and sand. Now it's mud and silt and clay, from dredging and dumping and erosion.
ETCETERA. More than three quarters of the marshland in Cootes Paradise has disappeared--and with it the ducks, otter, beaver, mink, muskrats, and pike, bass, yellow perch, muskellunge, walleye...
TOO MANY DARNED CARP. The area around Hamilton Harbour has a population of around 500,000. That will hit around 700,000 by 2020. Oops, sorry. That's people.
WHA' HAPPENED? In 1900 Hamilton Harbour had the largest commercial fishery in the Great Lakes. Wha' happened?
A GOOD FLUSH! Poor Harbour. So many ways we can throw and flush our waste in. And no way out. WHAT THE HARBOUR NEEDS IS A GOOD FLUSH!
FLUSHED!! Whoever thought up the bright idea that we could use water to carry away our garbage for us should be--should be--!!
Difference is beautiful
In species and opinion.
HAIKU
The healthiest land
And society alike
Will accept all kinds.
POOR CARP. We brought the Carp over here late last century as a source of cheap food. But nobody wanted them, so they were abandoned. Poor immigrants, they survived and prosperred so successfully they took over Cootes Paradise and drove other fish away. Now we drag them out of the Paradise by the ton for landfill. In Japan they are considered magic fish.
Our relationship with the environment is a compromise--always a compromise.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE (IN ORDER OF SPEAKING):
Master of Ceremonies (who also plays Security)
A Fisherman
The Environment (played by several dancers)
A Fish (a puppet and an actor)
Six small requests (actors) who transform into big problems (puppets). The puppets begin with a head/icon representing the small request, the rest of the body covered; the transformation uncovers the body of the puppet, representing the "big problem")
Food
small request: a hungry person
head/icon: a horn of plenty
big problem: empty shelves
Shelter
small request: a cold person
head/icon: a small cottage
big problem: a chaotic cityscape
Health
small request: a dirty, bug-infested person
head/icon: a toilet
big problem: plumbing with sludge, garbage of all sorts
Transportation
small request: a good old boy
head/icon: a little car
big problem: speed, pavement
Comfort
small request: a small crying child
head/icon: a toy/pacifier
big problem: mass production, planned obsolesence
Security
small request: a paranoid person
head/icon: a padlock
big problem: a cage with weapons
[Scene: The Dell. The six puppets surround the seating area. They are covered to show only the head/icons. Above and in between them are banners announcing the six "small requests" and information/statistics/quotations about those requests (see appendix). The six actors portraying those requests are positioned in front of their icons, in tableau. The audience can see the entire story as they look around.
At the bottom of the Dell is a stage. The Master of Ceremonies stands there with his props. The Dancers stand on either side of him. The Fisherman is not visible.
The Audience is seated by the actors, and the MC directs them.]
SCENE: MC [AND CAST/DANCERS]
MC: (on the stage) Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much for coming out this fine evening. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the McMaster Summer Arts Festival, the Environmental Theatre Workshop, and the Theatre in the Dell. Now, usually the Summer Festival presents something very old in the Dell--something by the ancient Greeks or the Romans--because they used to produce their plays in outdoor theatres just like this. This time, we thought we would present something very new. It's so new, in fact, that we made it ourselves.
Look around you, Ladies and Gentlemen. Where are we? We are sitting on the campus of McMaster University, surrounded by a very beautiful woodland. Right behind me, if you go down the trail, you will find Cootes Paradise. That's some shallow, open water tacked right onto the end of Hamilton Harbour, which is tacked right onto the end of Lake Ontario. It's a beautiful place to visit, if you get a chance. But it isn't--well, exactly what it was. It used to be a healthy place to live, full of plants and fish, and surrounded by animals. But it isn't so healthy any more, although there are a lot of people trying to make it healthy again.
We know you all know about pollution, and what it is. But we heard this story, see? A kind of a folktale--that explains how the Paradise--our Paradise--your Paradise, even if you've never seen it--How it got as sick as it did. It's the story of a Fisherman who, long, long ago, went down to the Paradise to fish, and caught something REALLY extraordinary. Responsibility.
We aim to tell you that story. We call it SIX PUPPETS AND A FISH--NOT TO MENTION THE FISHERMAN. We thought it was an honest title. Here's the honest story to go with it.
Everybody ready? (To Puppets) Food? Shelter? Health? Transportation? Comfort? Security? Security? Oh, I forgot, that's me. Ready. Fish? Music? Dance? Hey, Fisherman! You ready? Then I'll begin. (Pause.) Once upon a time, there was a very average fisherman.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, [MC]
Fisherman (F): (Comes into the audience from centre back, with props--net, pole, knife, etc. Walks all through and over and under everyone looking for just the right place to cast his line. Excuses himself, chats, and is gently clownish, sympathetic. Makes a great show of getting his line ready for casting, but doesn't cast.)
MC: (Comments as Fisherman gets ready to cast. He becomes increasingly frustrated the longer this takes.) Well, all right, he was a less than average fisherman. One of those fisherman who loves to talk about why the fish aren't biting, but never actually gets around to putting his line in. ... So, anyway, this fisherman threw his line into Cootes Paradise. ... He threw his line in... I said, he threw his line... Hey! (F jumps, frightened) Fish or Cut Bait, pal!
F: (Throws his line into the water--meaning toward the stage. It goes over the back of the stage, perhaps after one or two casts.) I sure hope I catch something this fine morningtime. I can't remember when I last had a bite. Let me see--what year is this? (He gets a bite. He gets excited. He wrestles and wrestles with the line, as our Fish slowly enters from upstage centre. F continues to wrestle comically after the Fish is onstage. The Fish has the hook in his mouth, and he waits patiently.)
MC: Hey, buddy. Buddy. Pal. Hey! You got him.
Fisherman: (aware of the Fish) Ohmygosh, I got one. Ohmygosh. What do I do? I forgot. What do I do? Where's my net? Ohmygosh.
Fish: Hello.
F: (To a member of the audience.) Hello. How are you? Don't you know you're not supposed to talk to the actors while their performing? It ruins their concentration, and--
Fish: Hello.
F: (To another member of the audience.) Hello. Did you hear what I was saying? What an unruly audience--
MC: Hey! (F turns.) You got the wrong species. Over here. (F turns, looks at the Fish. The Fish looks back, smiles, and waves. The Fisherman waves back, then looks around in astonishment.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH
F: (To audience.) He waved. How very strange. Never had a fish wave to me before. (To someone in Audience.) Have you? Well, you, sure. Fish probably like you. And he smiled, too. Smiled. Hard to imagine a fish smiling, isn't it? (Tries to imitate this, and fails.)
Fish: Hello, there.
F: (Jaw dropping. Astonishment, relayed to audience. Then to Fish.) Uh--hello.
Fish: How are you?
F: Uh--fine, I guess. How are you?
Fish: Well, I'm in a little trouble right now.
F: I'm sorry. What's that?
Fish: You may not know this, but if I'm taken away from this nice clean water here, I'll probably die.
F: No--
Fish: Yes. But somebody's going to take me away.
F: That's terrible.
Fish: From my home, and my family, and my culture--and my "school".
F: That's inhuman. I won't stand for that! Who would do such a thing? (Accusing audience.)
Fish: Well---you, actually.
F: (Looking around, and then at net and line, he realizes he's the culprit.) Oh. I see. (Puts down his net.) Well, so much for fishing today.
Fish: You're going to let me go?
F: I make it a point never to hurt anything I can talk to. If that makes sense.
Fish: That works for me.
F: You can go.
Fish: (Taking the hook out of his mouth.) Thanks.
F: You're welcome. You always talk?
Fish: Yes.
F: Kinda strange--you know, for a fish.
Fish: Well, I'm a magic fish.
F: Oh. Well, that explains it.
Fish: You know, uh, for letting me go, you get some wishes.
F: How do you mean? Like what?
Fish: Like in all those old folktales. Remember?
F: Really?
Fish: Sure. Like Aladdin. The Genie.
F: You're like the Genie?
Fish: Not as funny. But the wishes are there.
F: That's amazing.
Fish: (pause) So. (Encouraging him.) So? So--you, uh, want anything?
F: Me? Um, gee. I really don't think so. I mean, it's great and all. But I don't take gifts from strangers. You know?
Fish: That's very cautious. I understand. Look, if you need me later, I'm not going anywhere. You just come on down and call me.
F: Call? You have a number?
Fish: Not like that. Like in the stories. Give me a poem, sing me a song, or shout for me. Or just be loud--okay?
F: Okay. Great.
Fish: Gotta go. I'm meeting my family for lunch at the big Rock by Princess Point. We're having worms a la grunge, with Weed Stew!
F: Goodbye!
Fish: Goodbye.
(Fish exits/disappears. Use of Dancers here, or not. They will certainly appear at the next entrance of the Fish.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FOOD, [MC]
MC: And so the Fisherman began his journey home, eager to tell his family about the talking fish.
Fisherman: A talking fish. Nobody will believe me. (To member of audience.) Do you believe it? No, I didn't think so--you don't look like the folktale type. Now, which way do I go? Let's see, that tree was on my right. The field of daisies on my left, and turn right at the old Elm tree.
MC: Along the way, the fisherman heard a woman wailing.
(Small request/Food comes alive in front of her puppet. In the coming exchange, F. establishes a playing relationship with this character, but should not come too close. All exchanges must fill the audience space. The playing will be grand, full, stylized. The actor for Food should think about sudden changes from melodramatic style to a colloquial style, by turns overacting formally and being informal with the Fisherman.)
Food: Oh, woe is me. Oh, woe is me.
MC: Sensing something was wrong--
Food: (Louder) Oh, woe, alas!
MC: The Fisherman followed the sound to its source--a woman at the side of the road.
Food: Oh-h-h-h!
MC: All right, all right. You're in pain. We get it.
Food: Oh-h-h-h!
MC: Actors. Sensing there was something wrong, the fisherman spoke to her.
F: Excuse me, are you okay?
Food: Oh-h-h-h! No-o-o-o! (In a more colloquial, natural voice.) I've been better. (Back to melodrama--and she switches back and forth, not so much to gain sympathy, but because she likes the melodrama.) Oh-h-h!
F: What's wrong?
Food: I'm so hungry.
F: I see. So--why don't you eat?
Food: I wish. I wish. My vegetable garden will not grow enough to feed my family. O-h-h-h! There are no crops to sell to others to buy the things I need. I really need.
F: Gosh. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Food: (colloquial) I doubt it. (Seeing pole and tackle.) Hey, did you catch anything?
F: Yes, for the first time in months. A real live fish.
Food: Well. That's good. So. Where is it?
F: I let it go.
Food: You what?!
F: I let it go.
Food: Are you crazy? There are people around this folktale who barely have enough to eat. And you go and throw away a perfectly good meal?
F: I had to let it go. It talked.
Food: I beg your pardon?
F: The fish. It talked. No kidding. It opened its mouth and spoke to me. We had a very nice talk, really, and--
Food: You're serious, aren't you? (F nods) Oh, my goodness. Do you realize what you caught? Do you know? (melodramatic again) It was the magic fish of Cootes Paradise! I thought it was a myth.
F: I think it was a myth-ter, but I'm not sure.
Food: Do you know how lucky you are? Oh, my goodness. All those wishes.
F: Yes, well--
Food: What did you wish for?
F: Well--
Food: You can tell me. I won't be jealous. (melo) Really.
F: (pause) I didn't ask for anything.
Food: What?
F: It didn't seem right. It was a stranger, you know. Beware of Fish bearing gifts.
Food: But wishes! Anything you want! It's a folktale, for crying out loud. You're supposed to make wishes.
F: Sorry. Couldn't think of anything.
Food: Well, if you don't mind, I could help you out with that. How about some--oh, let me see--FOOD? For my family?
F: Gee, food. I never thought of that.
Food: Ask him for a plentiful garden--for me. One for yourself, too, of course.
F: I don't see anything wrong with that. Sure.
Food: I'd really appreciate it. Really. Just enough to feed me and my family. Nothing fancy.
F: Okay. I could do that.
Food: Just a reasonable request.
F: All right. I'm on my way.
Food: (melo) O-h-h-h! I'm s-o-o-o g-r-r-r-ateful! O-h-h-h! And hungry. Could you hurry, please?
F: Right. Of course. Sorry. On my way.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, MC, DANCERS
MC: And so, our very nice-- And ladies and gentlemen, isn't he really just a little too nice for his own good? I say our very nice Fisherman returned to the water's edge.
F: (Quickly walking throught he audience, to the beating of a drum to signal the travelling and the passage of time. The drum stops.) Now, let me see, the Hawthorn and the daisies and--and step over this small child in the audience here. Ah, this is the spot.
MC: And called the Fish.
F: Okay. Call the Fish. Call the Fish. How do I call the Fish. Oh. I forgot.
MC: A verse, I think it was.
F: Verse than what?
MC: No, a verse. A Poem.
F: Oh. That kind of verse. Well. If there's one thing I'm verse at than fishing, it's verse. Hmmm.
MC: Give it a shot. The sun's setting.
Food: O-h-h-h-h!
MC: Hey! You're part's done! Actors.
F: Umm--okay. let's see. How's this:
Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy, hoy, hoy, hoy.
Come on, fish, boy oh boy.
(Nothing.)
MC: That was a stinker.
F: I said--
MC: Try again.
F: Okay. How about this?
Oh, Mr. Fish. Oh, Magic Fish,
I have a small request.
I really feel quite foolish,
But I have to do my best.
MC: Well, that one scans, at least.
F: (waits) Nothing. (getting carried away)
2, 4, 6, 8!
Who do we appreciate!
MA-gic FISH-ee!
Go-o-o-o, Team!
(waits)
1, 2, 3, 4!
Who are we for?
MA-gic FISH-ee,
Go-o-o-o, Fish!
(waits)
(Frustrated.)
MC: What a failure.
Food: O-h-h-h!
F: (desperate) HEY!! YO!!! FISH!!!
(A mallet on a cymbal [?], and the Fish appears, accompanied by Dancers. He has changed into a beautiful, flowing puppet. The Actor who plays the Fish acts out the role as the Puppet moves with the Dancers. The Actor's position needs to be determined.)
Fish: Hello.
F: Wow. You've changed.
Fish: You called for a wish. You called for magic. Magic you shall have. What's up?
F: On my way home, I met a woman who didn't have enough to eat for herself or for her family. Can you grant wishes to help people like that?
Fish: Yes, I can.
F: Well, I was wondering--could you grant this woman a garden with a plentiful harvest?
Fish: That's what you want?
F: Yes.
Fish: Nothing for yourself?
F: No. Just that.
Fish: That sounds like a reasonable request to me. All of us down here in Cootes Paradise understand about needing food. Go on home, now, friend. The wish is already fulfilled.
F: Thanks. This is really kind of you. (Begins to leave.) Uh--is that all my wishes?
Fish: Oh, no. Especially since you haven't asked for thing yourself. You can come back anytime. Just call me with some verses. (Feels a sudden twinge and puppet and dancers show it.) Oh.
F: Are you all right?
Fish: (Showing pain.) Yes. It must have been something I ate. You--you'd better go back to your friend. I think she needs you.
F: All right. Bye! (The Fisherman exits to back of audience.)
(The Dancers dance the premonition of the change in environment, and envelope the Fish.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FOOD (PUPPET), MC
(At end of dance, the Small Request actor and the Big Problem Puppet for Food come down in front of stage, and as finale unveil the Monster. "Food" the actor takes on the voice of the puppet, and "acts" the role around the puppet.)
MC: And so the Fisherman left the Fish and went in search of the hungry woman. He did not find her.
F: Now, which way was it. Where was that field of Daisies? And the Elm tree is gone. I'm a bit lost. Where is she?
(Pause--Finger Cymbals to denote a change of scene and tone)
Food Puppet (FP) (From in front of stage): Hey, you, fisherman. Come over here.
F: Me?
FP: Do you see anyone else around?
F: No. Do I know you?
FP: You do. We met earlier on the road. You offered to help get me some food.
F: That was you?
FP: The same. (Moans melodramatically) O-h-h-h! See?
F: But you look so different.
FP: Things change. People change. I want to thank you for getting my request granted.
F: (Rather frightened.) D-did you have a plentiful garden?
FP: I did.
F: That's great. So--if you don't mind my asking--what happened?
FP: You know, it really wasn't enough. I mean, it fed my family for a while. But food only lasts so long and then you have to grow more. And then the neighbours needed some food, so I gave them some. And then there had to be some for the market and for export and for the poor and hungry of other lands and for--. So many hungry people I could feed with my magic garden.
F: And did you?
FP: Yes. More. And more.
F: And what happened?
FP: Happened? What makes you think something happened? (Threatening him, terrifying him and the audience. Very melodramatically, like a ghost.)
F: (Stuttering with fear) It's j-j-j-ust that you look so different.
FP: I needed more magic. I needed to make more food, do you see? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! And I found it. I found it in a magic formula I could put on my land to make it all grow faster and bigger and bigger and faster and-- (stops, exhausted)
F: A magic formula?
FP: Yes. It's called--Chem-a-lot!
F: I see.
FP: "Quite simply there is not
A more congenial shot--"Elizabeth"--
Of magic food to feed your soil
Than lots--of--Chem--a--lot!
FP: Bigger and better and more. I can feed everybody. You and you and you and you and--- (exhausted--his chest heaves, if a puppet's chest can heave.)
F: Bigger and better and more. That's good, I guess. But--
FP: Yes? Something wrong?
F: No. Yes. I notice your shelves are bare--there-- (points)
FP: (Trying to cover them up.) Just temporary. Just temporary. The soil needs more of my magic formula. It's just that I'm out of Chem-a-lot at the moment--so the soil's temporarily dead. It's a small problem, though. Don't you worry. I can handle it.
F: Somehow, I don't think this is good--
FP: I can feed everybody. You just wait and see. You just wait. I have to get more Chem-a-lot. I have to go.
F: Well, you take care of yourself.
FP: THANKS-a-lot. (Begins to exit with a monstrous flourish. Turns suddenly, and speaks in the voice of the hungry woman/small request.) I am so hungry. O-h-h-h-h-h. (Exit to station.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, SHELTER, MC
MC: THAT was an unexpected turn of events, wasn't it?
F: That didn't seem to turn out very well. I'm very confused. (Shrugs shoulders.) Oh, well. Not my problem.
MC: Not his problem. No, no. And do, the Fisherman carried along the path toward home.
F: Well, time to go home. (Climbs over a few members of the audience.)
MC: But you know these folktales, ladies and gentlemen--you can't hardly move without meeting somebody. Before he'd gone very far, he met another poor soul.
Shelter (S): (From position in front of "small request" icon) Psst. Psst. (Fisherman, wandering, tries to find this noise.) Psst. Hey, you. Fisherman. (Fisherman still can't find the sound.) Hey--you with the magic fish.
MC: My, news travels fast in a folktale, doesn't it?
F: Who's there? I can't see you way over there.
S: Oh, it doesn't matter who I am, my child. I'm just another wanderer on the road of life. I'm a wanderer who's very, very tired, and cold, and sunburnt--weathered, I guess you could say.
F: Sorry.
S: I accept your apology.
F: I didn't mean it was my fault.
S: Did anybody say it was?
F: Well, you just said--
S: I mean, you shouldn't feel guilty just because you have a magic fish, and me and my family don't have a house or a fire or any way to shelter us from the wind and the rain--
F: I don't feel guilty.
S: And the tornadoes.
F: I don't--
S: And the black flies.
F: Ouch. That one hurt.
S: I have heard what a kind and generous fisherman you are. I have heard what you did for my friend the gardener.
F: Well, I'm not sure that turned out exactly as planned.
S: (ignoring him) Do you think I could share in your good fortune?
F: Have you seen your friend lately? Ask anyone.
S: Just a small request.
F: He's turned into a terrible monster.
S: (now really begging) Oh, please, Mr. Fisherman. You are so kind and strong and generous and good and--and so on. Do you think you could get your magic fish to grant me and my family a home--like that one up there, for example (referring to the icon)--before the first winter frost appears?
F: Well---
S: It is only out of necessity that I ask. Necessity. My family. We shiver or burn. Shiver or burn.
F: All right.
S: Nothing fancy.
F: All right.
S: A small bungalow in Ancaster.
F: I said all right. I'll do it.
S: Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou. Shall I go with you?
F: No. You stay there. I'll go and ask.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, MC, DANCERS
MC: And so the goodhearted Fisherman, forgetting for the time being what happened to his first wish, went back to the shore of Cootes Paradise.
(Fisherman walks around audience, talking, trying to find his way to the beating of a drum. The drum stops as he reaches his fishing spot.)
F: I think this is the place. I don't know, the world changes so fast, I can hardly find my way. The trees, the fields--they're all different. I think this is it. I hope the Fish doesn't mind. He did say I could come anytime and ask for another wish. Too generous, really.
MC: And he called the Fish with the magic chant.
F: Now, let me see. A magic chant. The Fish asked for verses. Verses. How's this one?
Oh Mr. Fish, oh Magic Fish,
I have a small request,
It isn't very lavish
Just a simple place to rest.
MC: He doesn't seem to like the traditional kind.
F: How about this.
Lean to the left, lean to the right.
Stand up, sit down, come into sight!
MC: Guess not.
F: How about:
Oskee-wee-wee! Oskee-wa-wa!
Come on, Carp! Gimme your paw-paw!
MC: Gimme your paw-paw? That one wasn't even good biology.
F: (Pause. Cups his hands around his mouth and shouts with an echo.) Hello-o-o. C'mon, you said I could come back anytime. Aw, come on, Fish. (Pause.) Please, Fish? (Pause. Frustrated.) YO! FISH!
(Hand Cymbals, and the Fish and Dancers appear.)
MC: There you go! Bravo. Well done. (Applauds.)
Fish: You're back.
F: Yes. I--I hope you don't mind.
Fish: I said you could.
F: I brought you some worms. Got them from the gardener we helped.
Fish: That's nice. I could use some good food. Not as much of it around here now.
F: Oh, no?
Fish: No. There just isn't as much food as there used to be. I don't know why.
F: I thought you looked a little different. Thinner?
Fish: I guess.
F: You have a--something on you, just by your gill.
Fish: I know. I'm just not feeling as healthy as the last time we talked. I can't really put my fin on it.
F: I'm so sorry.
Fish: Nothing to do with you. I'll be all right. Something I ate, I'm sure. How did that last wish turn out?
F: Well, I'm not sure. All right at first, I think. But it got a little out of hand.
Fish: That can happen with wishes. Was it bad?
F: Yes--but maybe it's just temporary. The gardener we helped is going through a bad time. Then she'll be able to grow a good crop again soon. She said.
Fish: I'm sure.
F: Umm.
Fish: Yes?
F: I have another small request.
Fish: Oh. (slight hesitancy) Do you?
F: If it's all right.
Fish: Oh, yes. I said you could, of course. As many as you like. It's my pleasure.
F: A very sweet lady needs a house for her family before the first winter frost appears.
Fish: Ah.
F: It's a small request.
Fish: Yes.
F: What harm could possibly come of it?
Fish: What harm? (Long pause) I can't think of a thing. All right, it's granted.
F: Just like that?
Fish: A snap of the tail. (A sharp twinge of pain.) Oh.
F: Fish, are you all right?
Fish: Oh, yes. I just need some rest. I'm no spring guppy. You'd better go, now. Your new friend needs you.
F: Sorry. Thank you. Hope you're feeling better. (Fisherman turns to leave. The Fish on stage, motionless and perhaps sad. Fisherman talks to himself/audience.) Something's wrong, don't you think? He just sits there. And the water seems different. Even the ripples on the surface move more slowly.
(Exit Fisherman, and the percussion begins.
The Dancers dance.
The Fish is enveloped by the Dancers.
At the end of the dance, the "Big Problem" puppet [SP] moves to the front of the stage and is revealed.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, SHELTER (PUPPET)
F: (Not seeing SP) Now, where was I? (Climbing over audience, and asking directions.) Which way was it? I don't get this at all. There was grass over there, I thought. And a patch of ground--where did those buildings come from?
(Finger Cymbals.)
SP: (to "New York, New York" from "Wonderful Town")
Build more, build more,
It's a wonderful sound.
Everyone's got a home in our town.
It may be plush, or a hole in the ground.
Build more, build more--
Thank you. Thank you very much. Where you from, son?
F: Wh-wh-who are you?
SP: Don't you remember me, sweetie? You wished me a home. What a lovely, dear, sweet thing you were to do that. You gave me my start.
F: You? You're the sweet lady who wanted a home?
SP: Don't you recognize me? It's me. Yes. And I have my home.
F: But--where's the nice cottage?
SP: Oh, it's right here. Can't you see it up top here? I have my home. But you know, it was such a shame to waste that wish just on me. I was sure you'd agree. So I shared it.
F: You did? I didn't know you could do that.
SP: Well, apparently I could. Just look! (Shows off cityscape body.) Everyone can have a home, now. Everyone. Look, see? If we build them close together, all the people here can have their very own houses. And that's a good thing, isn't it? I did that. I passed along your wish.
F: And those there?
SP: Well, we figured out that if we piled everybody on top of each other, we could give a LOT more people homes. So we did that. Pretty good, eh?
F: Seems a little cramped.
SP: Oh, don't be silly. It's cozy.
F: It looks kind of scary.
SP: Well, sure, on the outside looking in, maybe. But when you're in your own little home, it's nice.
F: Where's the grass?
SP: You can't have everything.
F: Can you see the sky?
SP: You can't have everything.
F: Is there a place to meet people?
SP: You can't have every--hey, what is this? Don't you like what we've done?
F: We?
SP: You got me a house, shelter for my family.
F: We?
SP: I was just sharing. You didn't want me to share? You wanted me to hold onto the wish? You wanted me to be the only one with a home of my own?
F: No, of course not.
SP: Of course not. All those people outside my doors and windows crying to get in. All that shivering. All that burning. All those black flies.
F: Ouch.
SP: I tell you, I couldn't stand it any more. I couldn't enjoy my own home. So you know what?
F: What?
SP: I had two choices.
F: Two?
SP: Yes, two. I could either bring them into my home, or give everybody one of their own.
F: Ah.
SP: I decided on the second one. I figured that'd get rid of the problem. Out of sight.
F: Ah.
SP: So I passed along your wish--on your behalf.
F: Ah.
SP: What's with the "Ah's"? You gonna sneeze or something?
F: Ah--no. I was just wondering.
SP: Yes?
F: Who are those people down there, hanging?
(This refers to an idea to have some figures hanging underneath, dangling, and therefore homeless. Obvious symbolism, yes.)
SP: Who? Who? I can't see them. Where are they?
F: Down there. Hanging.
SP: I can't see them. Beats me. Do they have a home?
F: Not that I can see.
SP: Well, hey, what the--. Well, I can't see 'em. If I can't see 'em, they're not there, are they?
F: Ah.
SP: Will you stop that?
F: Ah.
SP: Look, you're very stimulating, but I gotta go. I'm moving. Cottage has got to go. I can give a lot more people a lot more homes if I rebuild--up and out and down and--.
F: (Interrupting, uncharacteristically.) BUT--Where will you live?
SP: Where? I don't know. I hadn't thought of that. I'll--just--hang around, I guess. Oh, well,
I'll wonder as I wander
All through the dark streets,
Why some folks think blue skies
And green grass are neat,
When highrise and suburb
Give all folks a home.
You give some, you lose some--
I wonder. I roam.
Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm going to take a little break, now. Excuse me. (Exit through audience, talking to them.) Where you from, son? Where? Never heard of it. Lots of homes there? Good. Good. You got one? Can I come and live with you? No? Why not? Something wrong with me?
(Exit back to station.)
F: Oh, my goodness, what have I done? (Pause.) Well, I gave a lot of people a home, I guess. (Pause.) But at what price?
SCENE: FISHERMAN, HEALTH, MC
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to be able to report that our Fisherman had some time to reflect on this strange turn of events, but you know how it is with these folktales. The path is pretty much--and I choose my words carefully here--littered with characters.
(Health comes to life in front of her station.)
H: Get away! Don't touch me! Get away!
MC: Oh, look. Here comes one now!
(Enter Health toward the Fisherman. She is nervous, self-conscious, suspicious. And pursued by insects.)
H: Get away! Don't touch me! Filthy creatures, who knows how may germs you carry! Shoo! (Swats insects, and maybe an audience member or two. She swats an especially large insect, and overdoing the swing, accidentally slaps Fisherman.) Oh, sorry, sir. (Shy) How clumsy of me. Here, let me. (Wipes the squashed bug from F's arm.)
F: I'm all right. I'm fine. Are you okay?
H: (Pulling out a very large, carefully folded handkerchief to carefully wipe hands free of insect, then meticulously refolds it--all through the following speech.) No. I mean, yes. Yes, I'm fine. Except. No, I'm fine. It's just. (sighs, giving in) I'm so unhappy lately, and I can't find a solution to my problem. I've been searching so long, and I'm scared that. (Embarrassed) Oh, but here I am blubbering to a total stranger. I'm such an idiot.
F: That's okay. Blubber away. It's my day for that.
H: (Swatting the occasional insect.) Well, okay. Okay, see, it's like this. I have this home, see? It was a nice little thing. I got it from a sweet old lady--gee, it was like magic when she gave it to me.
F: Yes. I know her.
H: But I'll tell you what's happened. Well--it got dirty.
F: Dirty? You can't clean it?
H: Clean it? Well, yes, of course, I clean it. But where do I put all the dirt?
F: Well-- (pause) You could put it-- (pause)
H: You see? That's my problem exactly. And once I put it somewhere, there it sits, you know?
F: Ah.
H: I have this outhouse, see? And I am so sick and tired of trudging out there through the mire and the muck. But it isn't the fact that it's so cold at night when I have to--you know--go. It's just so old and dirty and full of disease. I move my outhouse from one place to another around my yard, but now my yard is--you know--full. Great for the garden, but I'm sure it's full of disease. I just know it. I mean, what can I do?
F: Well-- (Hesitates and repeats.)
H: Well! Don't talk to me about wells. My well has leaves and bugs floating in it, and the water's beginning to taste funny from being so close to my--you know--outhouse. It's all so unsanitary. (Aside to audience, but F overhears.) And besides, it's so hard to draw up the bucket that I could strain a muscle. And then where would I be? (Realizes F has been listening. Covers herself.) But it isn't the convenience, you understand. That isn't it. I just don't want my family to get sick, that's all. What can I do about my well?
F: That's a deep subject.
H: (Pause.) Oh. It's a joke. (Pause.) Well, maybe you can make a joke, but my life is going down the toilet. Except--and this is my point--I don't have one!
F: I'm sorry.
H: Well, you should be. But, that's all right. I know my problem has nothing to do with you. I shouldn't even tell you--(pause)--just because the health of my family is in danger. In danger! (Self-conscious) Oh, there I go. (Tries to pull herself together, smooths out her clothes.)
F: That does sound bad. What exactly are you looking for? I mean, what will solve your problem? Nothing to big, I hope?
H: O, no. Not at all? If I could just get some--some--(To the heavens.)--INDOOR PLUMBING! That's all I could wish for! Just a way to get some good, clean water into the house, and a way to get the bad, dirty water out. Plumbing and sewage. Sewage and plumbing. (Pause as F shows some confusion and disbelief.) Hey (swats bug), it's a reasonable request, isn't it? To keep my home safe from dirt and disease? (Sees something in F's hair, rubs it and swats the bug that flies out.)
F: (Ducks.) Yes, that sounds quite reasonable. (Pause.) Listen.
H: Yes?
F: I don't know whether I should do this, but I know this fish.
H: You do? How special.
F: No, this is a magic fish. In fact, it's the same fish that got you your home.
H: No.
F: Yes.
H: How?
F: Well--it's just magic. Don't worry about it. But I think there are problems with these wishes. The last two--
H: Well of course, I wouldn't want you to do anything you'd regret. Just because my children are living in dirt and disease and and filth and mud and (distraught, rambles on, until F calms her down.)
F: I know. I'll tell you what. I'll go back, and I'll ask for some indoor plumbing for you. Would that be enough?
H: Oh--that would be so wonderful! Oh kind fisherman. But--but could you hurry?
F: Hurry? Is your family that sick?
H: Yes. And we have a lot more story to tell, too.
F: Right. Okay. I'm going.
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, MC, DANCERS
MC: Well, they say things always happen in threes. But maybe this time nothing will happen. This Fisherman has a very bad memory. But a good nature. (F goes to fishing spot to beating of drum.) The Fisherman hurried back to the edge of Cootes Paradise.
F: Maybe after this I'll be able to go home. This poor woman is harmless--not like those other two. Now I know how things can go wrong, I'll be more careful. After all--her family is sick. Now let's see.
MC: Verses.
F: Verses. Right.
Fishy, Fishy in the water
One more request is what I offer,
Please be nice and hear me out,
This wish is true, I have no doubt.
MC: Nothing.
F: Bad verse? Or doesn't the Fish like me any more?
Fishy, Fishy in the sea.
I met a man who hates to pee-ee-ee--
Outside--so please, oh please, come on
And give my friend an indoor john.
MC: Nothing--
F: HEY! YO! FISH!
(Fish appears from concealment within Dancers.)
MC: Oh-oh. I think that did it.
Fish: What?
F: What happened to you?
Fish: I don't know. The water's just not what it was. It's kind of dark, and dirty. Something's in it. And, I can't really say what.
F: Is there anything I can do?
Fish: It's just a bad time. It'll all come back again.
F: But you really don't look good.
Fish: (Harsh, uncharacteristically.) Forget it, will you? You had a wish. You want a--a what?
F: I met a woman who is so unhappy. I'd love to make her life better.
Fish: That's good. What can I give her? (A little sarcastically, uncharacteristically.) Power and riches beyond imagining?
F: Ah. No. She could wish for that?
Fish: Not in my present condition, probably. But I've still got a little magic left. What does this person want?
F: Indoor plumbing.
Fish: (pause) That's it?
F: That's it.
Fish: You know, I've been around a long time. I'm quite old.
F: I didn't want to ask.
Fish: And in all this time, I've never been asked for indoor plumbing before.
F: Simple, eh?
Fish: Yes. Simple.
F: What harm can it do?
Fish: I can't think of a thing. Go on home. Your wish is granted.
F: Thanks. Are you sure you'll be all right?
Fish: I just need a rest. Get out of here, now. I'll be fine. I'll see you.
(Fisherman turns to leave. Percussion.
Dancers dance the change to the Fish, conceal it.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, HEALTH (PUPPET)
(Big Problem Puppet [HP]comes front and centre, but this time DOES NOT UNVEIL.
Fisherman, turned away from HP and talking to audience.)
F: Why do I keep losing my way? Are you people moving around on me? Do you exist? Are you in this story? Gee, I'm confused. And where did all this garbage come from? And--wait--what's that smell?
HP: (Breathing deeply) Genius!! (Fisherman turns and jumps with fright!) You're a genius!!
F: Is it--is it you? The one--
HP: With the outhouse, yeah. And the Well. Well, well, well--that's ancient history. Fisherman, you have some kind of power, there, 'cause look at this beee-you-tee-full por-cell-ain toi-toi. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to--well, you know. Flush. I flush and flush and--sometimes I sit and do it for hours on end.
F: I'm very happy for you. But--you look--
HP: Yes?
F: Well, you kind of look different. Kind of like a--
HP: Yes, I know. Hey, we are how we live, you know? The john makes the man. The right tools for the right job? At last! Clean water! Hot water! Lots and lots and lots and lots and-- What a pleasure! I just can't think of enough ways to use it. Once my jacuzzi was installed, it was hard to decide between enjoying that or taking a nice long shower. So I did both! And don't give me any of that crap--pardon the expression--about wasting water! Look around, it's not going anywhere! Hey, it rains, doesn't it? Water, water, water!!! All the water in the world! This is your genius. I cannot thank you enough.
F: My genius. But I-- What did I do again? It was just indoor plumbing, wasn't it?
HP: Just? Just? You gave me good health, my friend. You gave me the means to wash it all away. I don't have to worry any more.
F: Ah.
HP: I don't have to think about it.
F: Ah.
HP: You going to sneeze?
F: There's a kind of a smell. From underneath, there.
HP: Yeah? I can't smell a thing. Forget about it. It doesn't matter.
F: But I-- (during the next speech, the Fisherman sneaks down and uncovers HP, holding his nose, and getting help from the audience, perhaps.)
HP: This idea of just flushing stuff away, it was brilliant, really. It's so clean. I can keep my lawn green and my clothes clean in my lean, mean washing machine. And there go the suds--and the soap and the germs and the--you know-- It just goes away! Really, it's all so perfect! It was all so perfect, I gave away your magic to everyone. Everyone! There's a way
To flush away the garbage
And to wash away the waste,
And we won't have to worry
We can live with taste!
Ooh, I'm so immaculate. I simply can't conceive of anyone as immaculate as I am. What are you doing? What's going on?
(HP is uncovered, and the sludge and slime is revealed.)
F: The Horror! The Horror!
HP: What? What's the problem? Didn't you know? Oh, that! Well--all that crap--pardon the expression--had to go somewhere.
F: But what have we done?
HP: What do you mean, what have we done? Hey, don't worry, friend. It's all under control. It all goes down and away, and we don't worry about it. We have people who take care of it. Sure. A few filters, some chemical stuff, and presto-chang-eo, you got some nice clean water. Something like that.
F: Something like that?
HP: Hey, look, I pay taxes. I use, it goes, and it's taken care of.
F: But it's so horrible.
HP: Well, there's a simple solution to that, isn't there?
F: What?
HP: Don't look. I'm going. Gonna buy a new toilet. (To someone in the audience.) This one'll be a two-flusher. Man, I love to flush. (Begins to leave. Stops and turns. Sniffs. To no one in particular.) Say, I do smell a little something. (Raises his arm and sprays some freshener.) There, that's better. Keeps the bugs away, too. (Sprays again.) Take that, you little.... (Exit.)
F: Oh, my goodness gracious. What have I done? I just wanted to be good and kind. I just wanted to share my good fortune. Why, oh why can't people just stick to their--to their--to their own small cottage and garden and--you know. Oh, but that would be so selfish, too. I'm so confused. I must get away. (He sits down in the middle of the audience, depressed.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, TRANSPORTATION, [MC]
MC: And so the Fisherman went very confusingly on his way--. I said, the Fisherman went on his way--in this folktale--where Fisherman have to keep moving-- (pause) All right. The Fisherman was so depressed he just sat down and wouldn't move even though the narrator asked him to. After a while
(The Transportation (T) actor comes alive, and rubbing his bare feet, hops and runs through the audience, obviously in pain, and moaning.)
MC: After a while along came a very strange man, howling with pain.
T: Oh-h-h. Excuse me. Excuse me. Ouch. That hurts. Look out. Gangway. (To Fisherman.) Excuse me, sir! Excuse me!
F: Yes?
MC: You see? One more poor soul, in desperate need.
T: Are you the Fisherman with the Magic Fish?
F: The who with the what? Never heard of such a thing. (Tries to ignore him. T sits beside him, possibly bothering some audience members.)
T: Sure. It's you. I've heard all about you. I need your help.
F: No, you don't.
T: Sure, I do. Look at these feet.
F: (A great show of looking.) What about them?
T: Well, look at how sore they are.
F: Yes, and?
T: I need relief! And you're the one who can give it to me.
F: You don't want my help. Every time I try to help, it all goes wrong.
T: Oh, come on. What can go wrong? Look at these feet! I need help!
F: I said NO!!
(Pause. T gets up somewhere in here and moves around the audience, getting sympathy from them if he can.)
T: Oh, sure, now I'll lose my job!
F: (Hesitating.) What do you mean?
T: I'm a messenger. Delivery man. I travel all over town. I keep people in touch. I get the food to market and the lumber to the houses and the plumbing to the plumber. All that stuff. And that keeps me in a job.
F: I see.
T: And a home.
F: I see.
T: And it keeps me fed.
F: I see.
T: And healthy.
F: I get the picture.
T: And all my many little children, and my very large extended dependent family, and--
F: All right! (Jumps up.) All right! I get it. You need something. But what do you need?
T: A way to get around. Nothing special. Let's see. How about--rollerblades. No, no. Can't carry enough--and dangerous. How about--let me see--a tricycle. Too young. A bicycle? Too hard to pedal up the mountain. No--it will have to be--
F: Have to be what?
T: A auto-mo-beel of some kind.
F: Oh, no. I know where that can lead.
T: A little car. (coaxes him. Lots of pauses and whining and timing necessary for humour here.) A very little car. A teeney, weeney, baby car-car. Almost a dinky toy. Really. A hundred kilos to the litre. Really. Oh, come on. (Puts his arm around him.) Just one wish for a tired--uh (holding up one foot)--sole. (Nudging him.) Come on.
F: Well-ll-ll-ll...
T: You're a prince. (Shakes hand vigorously.) You won't regret this for a second.
F: I hope not.
T: So, how do we do it?
F: I do it. It's my Magic Fish.
T: Yeah, okay. I respect your territory. But, didn't you say you weren't doing too well in the actual wish department.
F: Yes? So?
T: So maybe this time you could use some help.
F: (Cheering up a bit.) You know, you might be right. Maybe that's been the problem all along. People just don't know what it is to make a wish. Yes, that's it. Let's go.
MC: And so they raced back to the edge of Cootes' Paradise. (F and T, standing about where they should be anyway, make like they're going to move. T moans with pain.) Stop--a trip we will not show you, in the interests of time. (F and T look at MC, and shrug shoulders, position themselves in usual Fish-calling position centre-audience.)
T: What do we do now?
F: We call him with a verse.
T: A verse?
F: A poem. Or a song. Something.
T: All right, then. Let me try.
How about some rap:
I think dat I will never see
A tree as beautiful as me.
MC: Nothing.
F: Nice sentiment, though.
T: How about a little country--
I got tears in my ears
From lying in my bed
Crying over you.--Fish-ee
MC: He's probably in the next ecosystem over by now.
F: I don't think so.
T: Okay, this is my last shot--a little of the old opera:
(From Pagliacci)
Yoh, Ho, my fish-oh!
I do love magic fish-oh!
(Nothing. T and F look at each other, shrug shoulders, and together shout.)
YO! FISH!
SCENE: FISHERMAN, TRANSPORTATION, FISH, DANCERS
(The Fish reappears from the Dancers, slowly and sadly.)
T: Hey. He doesn't look so good. You sure he's the one?
F: I-I think he's the one. Fish, is that you?
Fish: What's that? Is that you, Fisherman?
F: Oh, Fish. Fish?
Fish: It's me. What's left of me. It's been horrible here since you left last time. It's so hard to breath here, and no food grows. I'm sick as a--. I'm sick.
F: I'm so sorry. Is it something I did?
Fish: Not you. No, no. It just happened. Your little requests and my little magic couldn't have done a thing like this. Could they?
F: No.
Fish: Could they?
F: I--don't know.
T: Hey, fishey? How's your fins, man?
Fish: Who's your friend?
F: Just a guy with bad feet. But now that I see you're not well, maybe we should go.
T: Hey, what is this? You said--you promised. My family--my feet! Just one more, please, Mr. Fish.
F: Can't you see it's sick?
T: Not me. No. I never saw it when it was well, so what do I know? I just want a small--and I think we agreed--very reasonable wish.
F: Fish. Can you do this?
Fish: I must.
F: Why must?
Fish: I can't do anything but give. It's my--nature.
T: Yeah, well I want a nice big truck, all right? I got a business to run, and there are a lot of people who need me to get stuff to them. And--
Fish: All right, my friend. Wait a moment. (A show of concentration.) Oh. Oh, my. I never-- I'm sorry. But I'm too sick to grant such a big wish. For now. (Very sad.)
T: Too sick? I didn't know that could happen to a magic fish.
Fish: Neither did I. This is a first. But it's happened.
T: Gee. I'm sorry.
F: Oh, my fish. I'm so sorry.
T: So--I guess this means it's all off.
F: Of course. How could you even ask?
T: Well, it's no problem asking. (To fish.) How about something smaller? I don't care. I said to the Fisherman, didn't I, fisherman, just a little car. Something so I can take my kids to see their grandma. Like that.
Fish: Just a moment. (Concentrates.) Yes. Yes, there. I did it. It's done. You can go back home, now. It will be waiting for you.
T: Really? Oh, that's just terrific. Thanks, pal. (Goes over to shake his fin. Sees how sick he is, and thinks better of it.) Come on, Fisherman. Let's go see my new auto-mo-beel.
F: Oh, my poor, poor fish. What can I do?
T: Hey, did I get a CB, too? Rubber ducky, this is Big Ben--Come on! (T drags F after him, and F and Fish wave to each other, but they do not speak.)
(Dancers dance the change, and conceal the Fish.)
(Finger cymbals.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, TRANSPORTATION
T: There's my home. See it? And look! There's the car sitting out front! Oh, it's a beauty. Small--but a beauty! Hey, Fisherman, thanks.
F: You're welcome, I guess. You will be careful with this wish, won't you?
T: Are you kidding? Of course I will. Now that I got a car, it'll be terrific. I already can't imagine life without one. Here, let me just climb into it. (T. approaches Transportation Puppet (TP); it begins to possess him.) Hey, what's happening?
F: Are you all right?
T: I don't know. Something's drawing me to the car, and it ain't just that I like cars. Something's--Honk, honk! What was that? I feel--vroom, vroom, vroom. Why did I do that? I'm--Aruga, aruga! Oh, no!! I'm being eaten by the car!
(T is "sucked" underneath the covering. We hear his cries. The Fisherman cries out and rushes over, pulling the covering off the Puppet. Underneath, T has become a part of the puppet, which is all made from parts of cars, and little cars, and a siren and a traffic light and a flashing red light and track from a racing set, etc. The main monstrosity is that the man has been subsumed into the machine. F hides in audience.)
TP: (The voice of T and of TP are heard by turns in the following--italics for T. And running totally out of breath occasionally, as in out of gas.) Hey, don't go so fast. Which way? Is this the collector lane or the real highway? This is so fantastic. It's better than home. I have 16 speakers for my cd and this baby will do 180 in 4 seconds but not so fast. Help, help! I can't get off the road! I'm being held ransom by the speed! But think of the convenience. I can go see my mom anytime I want to and be there just a few hours, well if the roads are wide enough and flat enough we really need more of them don't we or we won't be able to see our moms whenever we want to and live wherever we want to if we don't have our roads and our cars and if we can't go faster and faster and faster we'll all have to live in those very small apartments they're building for us in the cities instead of enjoying the great outdoors and the green and the woods and the sky and the sky and the sky Help let me out but think of what we'd miss we'd miss the joy of oranges in December my granny never had oranges in December but now we can have them all the time thanks to the pavement that's progress and it's good you know it lets the have nots give to the haves and the haves give to the have nots and Let me out I can't stand the Speed!
(All the while TP is rolling around the outside of the Audience. It should be horrible and comic, a true grotesque. After some time, when the TP is back where he was, the Fisherman re-covers him to make him stop.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, COMFORT, MC
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, that was the most amazing and frightening monster I have ever seen. Alive, I mean. Did it frighten you? And you? No? Hmm. You're so strong. I must tell you, I'm not sure I like the way this story is going. And I know the Fisherman doesn't like it. Well, look at him.
Fisherman: (Backing away from the Transportation Puppet, through the audience, stumbling over people, looking at it.) I can't stand it. I can't stand to look at it. (But looking at it.) I'll never ask for another wish as long as I live!
MC: Absolutely right. Never another wish. I think everybody here would agree.
F: Never.
(A child cries, and the Small Request for Comfort comes alive as a small child.)
F: What was that noise? (asks around audience)
Comfort (C): (cries, a small child)
MC: It's nothing. Nothing. Just a child.
C: (Cries again.)
F: But what's wrong?
C: (Cries again.)
MC: Children cry. She'll get over it.
F: (Tries to ignore the crying, but cannot.) I can't ignore it. I have to find out.
MC: Remember your promise. Never again.
F: (Calls to the Child, Comfort) What's wrong, little girl?
C: I'm so sad.
F: Why?
C: I don't know. I'm just sad.
F: What can I do to help?
C: I don't know. (Cries again.)
F: Stop, now. There, there. Don't cry. Look. Look, I can dance. See? Funny, eh?
C: (Stops crying. Laughs for a moment.) Yes. Funny. But--
F: (Stops dancing.) But what?
C: But I'm still sad! (Cries.)
F: Okay. Okay, look. I can make funny faces, too. See? (And does this.)
C: (Stops. Stares. Then cries again.) That's scary!
F: Not as scary as what I've seen. But never mind. Oh, dear.
MC: Nothing will help. Best to leave her alone.
F: I have to help.
MC: Why?
F: It's--my nature.
MC: Oh.
F: You wouldn't want me to lose that, would you?
MC: No, no. It's just that--
F: (Ignoring the MC.) I have to help. (Child continues to cry.) If only I knew what she needed? Let me look at her. She just sits there. She needs something. Look, little girl.
C: (Through her tears) Yes?
F: Look, how would you like a nice, cuddly toy to play with. Something to go to sleep with at night. (C stops crying and shows interest.) Something to comfort you.
C: (Smiling, clapping hands.) Oh, yes, yes. (Then changes to sadness, again.) But I won't.
F: I'll get you something.
C: You will?
F: Yes. I can get that for you. I just have to go somewhere for a little while to get it (Aside to himself/audience.) The Fish. This could make up for everything. This one small toy. Oh, but the poor Fish. (To C) I'll be back soon.
C: Don't go! (Cries.)
F: No. Don't cry. I'll be back. I will.
C: You won't!
F: I will! Now, don't worry. Don't cry. I'll be back.
C: (Grabs him around the ankle.) Don't go! I'll be sad!
F: (Can't get away.) Let me-- Oh, all right. What will I do? (Thinks.) I wonder if I can wish from here? (Thinks. To MC.) Hey, you.
MC: Yes?
F: You seem to know everything that goes on in this story. Can I wish from here?
MC: I don't know. It's a long way to Coote's Paradise.
F: But if I'm loud enough, maybe the Fish will still hear me and come.
MC: Maybe. It's a Magic Fish, after all.
F: Hey, Fish! Fish! Can you hear me, Fish?
MC: Not working.
F: Well, help me, all right? (C is still clinging to F)
MC: I don't know if I'm allowed. I'm just the narrator.
F: Come on. It's for the child.
MC: Oh-h-h-h. All right. Fine. Together, now.
F: Together, count of three. One. Two. Three.
MC and F: Yo! Fish!
MC: Nothing.
F: Nothing. (Dejected. C cries.) We need more noise.
MC: Uh-huh. But how?
F: What about these people?
MC: What, the audience? This isn't one of THOSE shows, is it?
F: I don't care. We need the Fish to help the child. For the child.
MC: Well----
F: Look. I need this. I've made a lot of mistakes. It's been a bad day. This could make up for it.
MC: All right. Ladies and gentlemen, I know you probably don't like audience participation in the theatre, but this is a desperate case. If we want to get a toy to that child so she will stop crying, we're going to have to yell for the Fish. I hope you won't let us down. All right. All together, now. On the count of three. Ready Fisherman?
F: Ready.
MC: One. Two. Three. YO! FISH! Not quite. One more time. YO! FISH!
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, DANCERS, [COMFORT]
(Fish appears from among the dancers. It is sick, horribly disfigured, and moves slowly.)
Fish: (hoarsely) Fisherman. Fisherman, is that you? I can't see you.
F: (Astonished.) Fish! Fish, I can see you, but I'm not there. How can that be?
Fish: (Coughs.) I guess I still have a little magic left. A little, only a little. (Coughs.)
F: Fish, what is wrong? I thought you said everything would be all right?
Fish: I thought. I don't know. There is so little life left. I don't know.
F: Fish, I'm so sorry. I should come to you. To comfort you.
Fish: Best stay away from the water. Something's very wrong.
F: Fish. (Hesitation.) I shouldn't ask.
Fish: I know about the child. It's all right. It's very kind of you.
F: Just one toy. To comfort her.
Fish: It is done.
F: Why do you keep on giving me things?
Fish: It is what I do. I give. It's my--nature. (showing further deterioration, and making a sound.)
F: Fish? What is it, Fish? I can't see you so clearly any more. Fish!
(Dancers dance a further deterioration of the Fish. C moves away from F, and is replaced behind F by the "Comfort Puppet" [CP]. When dance is finished, C uncovers CP.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, COMFORT (PUPPET)
CP: Thank you!
F: (Jumps.) My goodness. Who are you?
CP: I'm happy, that's who I am. I'm so happy, and so are all of my friends. What a gift you gave me!
F: Y-you're the child? The one who was crying?
CP: (The following references to the puppet will depend on its final look.) Absolutely. But those days are over. I'm not crying any more! I've got everything I need to keep me happy. Look! I've got a teddy-bear and a barbie doll--all right, six barbies and three kens. And I've got--hey, I've got all the toys that there ever were and there ever will be. And it was such a great thing to get all of those toys that I thought I'd share, so I let lots of little boys and girls have lots of toys, and my mom and my dad, and--well, everyone should have lots of stuff, don't you think?
F: I guess. But I just wished for one.
CP: Well, look how these things grow and grow! Look at this:
[to "My Favourite Things"]
Barbies and Kennies and sports cars and wagons,
Nintendo and Sony and twelve plastic dragons,
Hundreds of presents all tied up with string--
I just can't stop til I own everything!
Doodoo-doodoo, doodoo-doodoo.
Sorry. I just love all this stuff. I love to take my shoes and socks off and run through it all. It's so--what's the word--neat!
F: Oh, no. Not again.
CP: What's the problem?
F: It's all wrong. It's out of control.
CP: No. Everything's under control. Under MY control.
F: You were just so sad.
CP: And now I'm happy.
F: And lonely.
CP: And now I'm not--I have so many friends. All I have to do is pass along your wish, and then they get as much stuff as I have, and then--presto--friends! Look--at--all--this--stuff!
F: Yes. I see it. But--but--
CP: Yes?
F: It's all broken.
CP: Well, of course. I play with it, don't I? And it breaks.
F: It's ALL broken.
CP: (Pause.) Yes. That's true. (Pause.) But that will change. As soon as the next shipment arrives.
F: Shipment? Shipment of what?
CP: Of more STUFF! Hahahahahaha! MORE STUFF! (Pause.) Speaking of Stuff--hahahaha--I wonder where it is? It's been a long time. If it doesn't come soon, well, I might start getting bored. And my friends will go home. And--well-- (Begins crying like C prior to transformation.)--then I'll be so sad again. (Stops. Perks up.) Oh, well, while I'm waiting, there's always the Television! When I turn this way, I can get Buffalo! Bye! (Back to station.)
(Fisherman left alone, turns around to audience, looks at them in every direction, and appeals to them with this face and hands for help)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, MC (SECURITY), [OTHER PUPPETS]
F: (During this speech, he wanders through the crowd, ending up in front of the Station of Security Puppet.) What will I do? How can I fix it? Food and Shelter and Health and Travel--and now this, this--Stuff everywhere. Oh, I wish I'd never caught the poor, poor Fish. Whatever will I do?
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, what a sad story. I'm sure you didn't expect such a sad story. But there it is--these folktales don't always turn out exactly the way we plan them.
F: Oh, what will I do?
MC: We're not quite done yet. The poor Fisherman was lost on the path to his home. Everything he had tried to do for others this day had gone wrong, and his new friend was very sick. He was, as they say, at his wit's end, and needed help desperately.
F: Oh what will I do?
MC: At this point in the story he met one last citizen on the road. But this citizen was different. Ladies and gentlemen, in this case I will be playing this last citizen of the folktale. (MC puts on a hat/whatever, and goes through the crowd toward F).
F: Oh what will I do?
MC: I know what to do.
F: What? Who are you?
MC: I've been following your progress around this trail. I've been shocked by what's been happening.
F: You have? So have I.
MC: It's shameful how all these other people have ruined your good work.
F: They have? No, no. They were just asking for little things. You really think so?
MC: Yes, and then they went too far. [Comfort makes an appropriate noise.] What was that?
F: No. Things got out of control. It wasn't anybody's fault. [Transportation makes an appropriate noise.] What was what?
MC: Well. Maybe. Fault or no fault, it's a disaster. [Health makes an appropriate noise.] There it is again. A sound from over there. Or over there.
[Actor-puppets make a general, low-level noise that continues. Speeches are shouted above the noise.]
F: Yes. Yes, I hear it, now.
MC: It's total chaos, isn't it?
F: It is?
MC: Yes. Look around, won't you? Look around?
F: I'm looking.
MC: Look at the monsters in the world. Look!
F: I'm looking.
[Actors take their puppets and shake or move them in some way, as they make a loud and frightening staccato noise--something sharp and quick. Then silence. They do not move.]
MC: They're coming. They're coming to get you.
F: No. No, I gave them their wishes, sort of. They're not.
MC: Oh, no! Look out! (Sounds and shakes.)
F: Are they really?
(MC and F run through the audience fearful. The MC is inciting the panic in F, and he is cowering.)
MC: What can we do?
F: I don't know. It's all gone wrong. I don't know.
MC: What can we do?
F: What can we do?
MC: (Changing his tone.) I know.
F: What?
MC: Make a wish.
F: What?
MC: Make a wish. To protect us. You could protect us.
F: (Pause, and backs away.) Oh, no. Oh, no you don't. I won't do that again. Not if my life depended on it.
MC: But it does. Go on. It's one last wish. You don't have time to think. Look at what's happened. What you need is protection. We all need that. Take it.
F: I said--
MC: Not if your life depended on it--fine. Then how about mine. And all these people here. Look at them. They're surrounded by all these problems, and you hold the key to make them safe. If we could just keep these monsters in line somehow. Oh, no--here they come again!
F: They are? (Puppets haven't moved, but MC is fearmongering now.)
MC: Oh, no. Duck. Hide. Hide behind these people here. No, over here. Use them as human shields! No. Nothing will work. Shut them out. Shut them out!
F: Shut them out! Shut them out! Stay out, will you? Stay away.
MC: Say Yo, Fish.
F: I won't.
MC: Make the wish.
F: I won't.
MC: Here they come.
F: I won't.
MC: Duck!!!!
F: (Stands up, looks up, shouts) YO! FISH! KEEP US SAFE!
SCENE: FISHERMAN, FISH, DANCERS
(Percussion, and the Fish appears. During the next brief exchange, MC moves over to the Security Puppet [SP] and becomes that puppet at appropriate moment.)
Fish:
Oh, Fisherman, Fisherman, what do you wish?
There's nothing alive here, not plant and not fish.
My magic won't work here, and I'm going to die.
But you need protection. All right, friend. I'll try.
Oh, dear. And it was such a beautiful--beautiful--home.
(Dancers dance, and the Fish lies on the stage. The percussion slows to a heartbeat, then slows to a stop. Pause. While this is happening, the Security Puppet [Sec] is uncovered. After the death and the pause, it laughs and comes forward.)
SCENE: FISHERMAN, MC (SECURITY PUPPET)
Sec: A fence is not enough! Protection!
F: What? Fish? Fish? I hear you. I'm coming.
Sec: (Coming through the crowd, "protecting" them from the other puppets.) Protection! Protect the home! Protect the garden! Protect the Health of the children, for certain! Protect everything! The roads and the rivers and the mountains and valleys! A fence is not enough!
F: This is a nightmare!
Sec: A wall is not enough!
F: Get away!
Sec: We have to protect our STUFF! OUR STUFF, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Otherwise--otherwise we won't have it. And then where would we be?
F: Get away!
Sec: I'm protecting you. I'm here to protect you. But a fence just isn't enough. A fence can be climbed. So I'll build a wall. No, they can be climbed. No, I better get a knife. Not enough. A gun. What kind? No. Armies and navies, I wonder what else I can use for protection? Something to give me some real strength. What will it take?
F: Get away!
Sec: There's a powerful force coursing through my veins, giving me strength. I can do anything and no one will ever be able to stop me. I can destroy anyone! (pause) Ah, I mean, protect anyone.
F: Get away!
Sec: Protect.
F: I don't want any protection!
Sec: (pause). What? What did you say?
F: I don't want any protection from you.
Sec: Yes, you do. You need me, or you'll lose everything.
F: (pause.) Lose what? I have nothing left.
Sec: You have me.
F: I don't want you! I want my fish.
Sec: (pause.) Well, I like that. Don't you have any gratitude?
F: I don't have anything! (pause) And certainly not gratitude for you. (To other puppets) Or you! Any of you! What have you done?
SCENE: CAST--FISHERMAN, MC, FOOD, SHELTER, HEALTH, TRANSPORTATION, COMFORT, FISH, DANCERS
[Puppet-Actors mumble again through the following, and shout their lines above the general noise.]
Food: What do you mean, what have we done?
Shelter: We were just trying to share our good fortune.
Health: You get a wish granted, you pass it on.
Transportation: You're talking as if we did something WRONG.
Comfort: We're not the bad guys here--
All Together: Just who do you think we are?
F: But--
Food: But, Fisherman?
Shelter: No buts, Fisherman.
Health: You were the one passing around the wishes--Fisherman.
Transportation: You don't like the consequences? Tough, pal.
Comfort: That's the way it shakes--Fisherman. [Shake puppet]
F: I didn't want YOU to happen!
Sec: Well--you don't get something for nothing, do you?
F: (Standing up and shouting.) I WANT MY FISH!!!
(The Puppets fall silent. Sec Puppet in a huff goes back to his station. MC goes back to being MC. The Fisherman turns around, without any show of travel or passage of time, and talks to the Fish, and then to the audience.)
F: Fish? Fish? Oh, my God, look at this place. Just slime and rot. Dark and so, so sad. Not one thing left alive here. What is that ugly carcass lying there? Is that my Fish? Oh, Fish! Fish! I'm calling you!
It's too late for verses, isn't it? You're too far away to hear me. If I had just one more wish--. But I need you here for me to wish a wish. You're too far away.
MC: He's been far away before this, and you called him.
F: Yes. That's true.
MC: Why don't you try again?
F: YO! FISH!
MC: You need a little help, don't you?
F: You mean, with everybody?
MC: With one voice.
F: (To Audience.) Look. Everybody. I hate to ask. I know, you like your privacy, and you're just the audience, and we're supposed to be doing all the work here because we had rehearsals. But our Fish is--well--very, very sick. It may already be too late. But if we do this thing all together, we may be able to bring him back.
One. Two. Three.
YO! FISH!
And Again.
YO! FISH!
(Pause. Nothing.)
F: I guess it's too late.
MC: Hmm. This ending won't do. This is a family show. We have to have a happy ending. People expect it.
We just need EVERYBODY, that's all. (Pause. To the Actor/Puppets.) I said EVERYBODY!
(At this point, the actors get involved.)
Food: Hey, I didn't want to kill the Magic Fish!
Shelter: Me, neither!
Health: I just wanted--what I wanted.
Transportation: But maybe I don't want it any more.
Comfort: Not if THAT'S what it costs.
Food: I'll call for the fish.
Shelter: I'll call.
Health: Me, too.
Trans: Count me in.
Comfort: I'll call for the Magic Fish.
MC: Shall we try again?
MC and F: All together now? 1, 2, 3.
YO! FISH!
(A single beat of the drum. Pause.)
MC: Nearly there! Again!
YO! FISH!
(Another beat of the drum. And another. The Dancers dance, and the Fish shows signs of life. And the actors applaud, and the Fisherman jumps for joy.)
Fish: (weakly) Fisherman. Fisherman. You brought me back. You did it.
F: We all did it. Everybody here helped.
Fish: (To everybody, taking a small bow.) Thank you.
F: How are you feeling?
Fish: Still sick. My home is all gone. All dead.
Food: Hey, fisherman! Why don't you wish for some good things to eat for the Fish?
Shelter: Hey, Fisherman! Wish for a good home for the Fish.
Health: Wish for good health.
Transportation: Send her to a better place to live.
Comfort: Wish for toys!
Security/MC: Wish for a safe life for the poor thing!
All: (Chanting) Wish, wish, wish....
F: STOP! NO MORE WISHES! (Turning to the Fish.) Fish! If I thought I could WISH you back to the way you were, I would. But I know it would all go terribly wrong. Fish! You give away too much. NO MORE WISHES! There must be another way.
Fish: What way is that?
F: I have no idea. But I'm going to find out. (F turns to leave.)
MC: Good for you, fisherman. And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, our folktale comes to an end. Well, for us. But it isn't going to end for the Fisherman. He learned and he worked for his whole life long, until the Magic Fish of Cootes Paradise lived in Paradise again.
MC: [Shouting.] Six Puppets and a Fish! The End!
[MC points to the various characters, and invites bows and applause.]
[After end of show.]
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you very much for your kind attention. We hope you enjoyed the show. We want to encourage you to see other events at the Summer Arts Festival. There are concerts, art exhibitions, and "The Treepenny Opera".
We're not going anywhere, Ladies and Gentlemen. We invite you to take a look at the puppets, and talk to the actors. And please, please, help the Fisherman by telling any of us what we can do to bring the Magic Fish back to life.
Because, in case it wasn't clear enough--you're all involved.
Thanks. We'll be passing the hat to pay for the puppets.
APPENDIX
WORDS FOR THE BANNERS
Banners/Signs are important, because they provide a communication with the audience that cannot be achieved effectively through the dialogue. The Signs can be read at anytime before, during and after the performance. They constitute a part of the set, and a commentary on the action. Typically a portion of the Sign--a catchphrase or "hook"--will be in large print; the rest will be in a smaller print which will require closer inspection by the audience. We selected from the following compilaton--obviously not all of these can be used, or will be appropriate:
[ONE SIGN FOR EACH OF THE FOLLOWING:]
FOOD
SHELTER
HEALTH
TRANSPORATION
COMFORT
SECURITY
FISH
FISHERMAN
A STORYTELLER
THE AUDIENCE
A MUSICIAN
IS THAT NATURAL? I have a fish at home. Every couple of days I change his water. Is he, like, polluting his environment?
EXTINCTION BEGINS AT HOME. Bear, lynx, otter, bull frogs, sturgeon, mooneye, sauger, whitefish, etc, etc, etc. All gone from Hamilton Harbour.
CAUSES. What is causing the loss of species from ecosystems? The simple of answer is people.
HOW DO WE DO IT? The dominant mode of human-caused extinction is habitat destruction--conversion of land to agriculture, road building, pollution.
RATS FOR EAGLES! ROACHES FOR TROUT! We replace old habitats for new--pavement, landfill, sewage streams--best suited not for eagles and trout, but for new and wonderful forms of rats and roaches. And people?
ALIVE!!! A population of 25 pairs of Northern Pike were located in Grindstone Creek. The last of their kind around here.
We ought not to harm living things.
SLAM!!
What do we do when the interests of living things conflict?
ALONE.
25 percent of all people in the United States and Canada live alone. That's up from 8 percent in 1940.
500,000 FLUSHING TOILETS.
There are three major polluters of Hamilton Harbour waters. Two of them are major industries. The other one? You and I, together.
SHRINKING. HAMILTON HARBOUR IS LESS THAN HALF THE SIZE IS WAS 100 YEARS AGO. Around 1900, people who lived by the water would build little dikes just offshore, fill them in, and make a bigger back yard. Every year they did this, and the Harbour got a little smaller. The big industries did the same thing.
DIAL 911. When television was introduced in the 1950s, theft increased, alot. People just wanted all that stuff.
THE MIRROR UP TO NATURE CRACKED. Cootes Paradise is a damaged, prized possession.
TOP O' THE WORLD, MA! We live on top of the environment. We should live inside it.
What is GARBAGE, anyway, and WHO invented it?
ZOOM OUT
How big is your environment? House, yard, block, town, region, province, country, continent, hemisphere, planet?
IF A TREE FALLS...
If I throw some garbage in my back yard in Dundas, does it hurt the animals in India?
FROM LAND AND AIR, IT ALL GETS THERE. What's in the water and who put it there? Answer: Whatever we put on our lawns and fields, blow out of our chimneys and tailpipes.
SO WHY WORRY? We spend 80 percent of our lives INSIDE buildings.
What goes UP IN SMOKE must come down to rest in the waters murky.
FISH AND PEOPLE. Fish have the same problems as people. If pollution affects them--what are you dumping on yourself?
POLLUTION IS HISTORICAL. The water is much cleaner than it was. Some kinds of fish have returned after FIFTY years away.
WILL SHE TELL YOU? What lies at the bottom of Cootes Paradise? Only your biologist knows for sure.
STATISTIC. If you took all the crankcase oil dumped down all the sewer drains in Canada in one year, it would fill at least two extra-large oil tankers.
Water is filled with GUNK (technical term).
EROSION.
The rain washes soil from the highways and the building sights and the farms and the city streets, down to the harbour. The WIND whips it up, the sun can't get through, and nothing grows.
POISON. Some of what washes down into the water is more than murky. It's poison.
ALGAE. Some of what washes down into the water feeds the algae that fills the water and blocks the sun and kills the plants that feed the animals.
SEWAGE. Some of what washes into the Harbour comes from the sewage treatment plants that overflow after a heavy rain.
NOISE.
If everybody could be in one place at one time, and started their engines all at once, what would that sound like?
BEACHES. Hamilton closed its beaches in the 1940s.
GUERILLA POLLUTERS--ATTACK!
It's easy to control one very large industry that pollutes. But you--you're a moving target while you pollute. Hit and run.
How many parts per billion is too many?
Where does pollution come from? It happens when you wash your car, flush your toilet, pour an old can of paint down the drain, dump, bury, hide....
Who has the right to pollute?
How much pollution is too much?
If I can't see pollution, is it there?
MALL TIME. Malls are safe, protected from the unknown scary creatures of the outdoors and a world beyond your control. And MOSQUITOES.
People are so impatient.
SPEED. The First Car in Hamilton was a one-cylinder Winton owned by John Moodie. It was a covered buggy with rubber tires. It went 25 miles an hour. There was no law to cover anything that went that fast.
EFFICIENCY. Moody's car got 15 miles to the gallon. Gas sold for 6 or 7 cents.
SUCCESS.
By 1850 Hamilton had four foundries, four machine shops, a saw mill and planing machine, an organ factory, two grist mills and some broom factories.
By 1850, there was too much raw sewage in Hamilton Harbour to use for drinking water.
INVISIBLE. Polyaromatic Hydrocarbons. Pollution you can't see or smell.
THE SWEET SMELL... Can scientific information ever be as impressive as the smell of foul water?
You're A FREE RIDER when you figure it's all right to throw YOUR empty can on the ground, because everyone else is recycling.
COMMON PROPERTY is an area everybody can use, but nobody has the responsibility to clean.
One person's sewage disposal site is another's swimming hole.
Freedom in the Commons brings ruin to all.
STATISTICS. 52 percent of Hamilton Harbour's shoreline is used by industry. 11 percent is residential. 7 percent is open space.
WATER RUNS IN. About 25 streams run into Hamilton Harbour. That Watershed covers more than 500 Km2.
WHO'S IN CHARGE? Who runs Hamilton Harbour? You? Me? Us? Government? Which Government? Which office of which Government? Which--oh, forget it.
THE AMBITIOUS BAD ACTOR. The only organism that grows only for its own sake is the cancerous cell. Oh, and us.
How clean is clean?
AN ENVIRONMENTAL INSULT. Hey, Fish! Try living in THIS, pal! Nyah-nyah!
HAMILTON HARBOUR. 1790s: fish, wildlife, business, recreation, all together. 1970s: impoverished, polluted, inaccessible, unattractive.
RESTORATION. A mighty effort since the the 1970s has improved the quality of water. But it can never be completely RESTORED.
A FUTURE. I look forward to a time when the environment will be balanced, friendly, accessible, clean, and diverse.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A PORT that receives as many of 1,000 ships a year.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A SEWER that receives industrial and municipal waste equal to 40% of the waters' volume, every year.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A RECREATION FACILITY for boating, walking, cycling, birding, ice-skating.
WHAT IS THE HARBOUR?
A WATER SUPPLY for Heavy Industry.
THE BOTTOM of the Harbour was once gravel and sand. Now it's mud and silt and clay, from dredging and dumping and erosion.
ETCETERA. More than three quarters of the marshland in Cootes Paradise has disappeared--and with it the ducks, otter, beaver, mink, muskrats, and pike, bass, yellow perch, muskellunge, walleye...
TOO MANY DARNED CARP. The area around Hamilton Harbour has a population of around 500,000. That will hit around 700,000 by 2020. Oops, sorry. That's people.
WHA' HAPPENED? In 1900 Hamilton Harbour had the largest commercial fishery in the Great Lakes. Wha' happened?
A GOOD FLUSH! Poor Harbour. So many ways we can throw and flush our waste in. And no way out. WHAT THE HARBOUR NEEDS IS A GOOD FLUSH!
FLUSHED!! Whoever thought up the bright idea that we could use water to carry away our garbage for us should be--should be--!!
Difference is beautiful
In species and opinion.
HAIKU
The healthiest land
And society alike
Will accept all kinds.
POOR CARP. We brought the Carp over here late last century as a source of cheap food. But nobody wanted them, so they were abandoned. Poor immigrants, they survived and prosperred so successfully they took over Cootes Paradise and drove other fish away. Now we drag them out of the Paradise by the ton for landfill. In Japan they are considered magic fish.
Our relationship with the environment is a compromise--always a compromise.